I Can’t Take Anymore!

I feel like I’m gonna have a nervous breakdown because of our daughter.  I’m so tired of everything.  I’m tired of being so broke.  I’m tired of trying to be strong all the time.  I wish my husband would try a little bit to get better.  He suffers from social anxiety.  So do I.  I’m trying to work on mine.  He never leaves the house.  I’d say he has agoraphobia.  I used to, years ago.  I worked very hard to overcome it.

My daughter asked me for money again tonight.  She said her stomach was bothering her.  I offered her something for it, but she said that she needed something specific that she could only get downtown.  She started fussing until I agreed to go to the corner store next door and get some money out of the bank machine to give her.  I offered her a few bucks, but it wasn’t enough.  She wanted more.

I feel like crying.  I’ve felt it coming for a long time – months.  I think I might start crying soon and not be able to stop.  She said they also needed soap and body wash and stuff.  I got a few things together for her, but she didn’t want them.  It’s so unfair!  I wish she’d get paid already!  Then she wouldn’t have to give me a nervous breakdown bugging us for money all the time.

I’ve tried so hard to help her out – telling her where they can get meals cheap or free (Peer Support Centre or Mission), offering to help her out with budgeting and making out shopping lists, etc.  But it’s never good enough.  I can’t take any more!  It’s been months of this!  I wish she’d go to the local Community Mental Health Centre and talk to a counselor there.  But she won’t do that.  They could hook her up with various organizations that could help them out.  But she won’t.  She’d rather give me a nervous breakdown.  I know I’m rambling but I can’t help it tonight.  I’ve had enough!  I really can’t take anymore.  I’m starting to hate my daughter.  I feel horrible saying that but the thought of seeing her fills me with dread.  What a rotten thing to say about my daughter, eh?

We’ve used almost all of our overdraft and we still have a few more days until we get our Baby Bonus.  As soon as we get it, half of it will go towards paying back our overdraft.  Then I have to pay the credit card companies.  With no money.  And buy groceries.  The only thing I use the one credit card for is mostly just for groceries.  Not anything frivolous.  I used to save our overdraft for emergencies only.  Now we don’t even have any money hardly.  We’ve already had our water shut off for a few hours until I called and paid the minimum to get it turned back on again.

Right now, I’m blasting music on my headphones and trying to make everything go away for a little while.  It’s sort of working for now.  I don’t know for how long though.  I’m feeling totally overwhelmed right now.  I’ll let you know how I’m feeling later.

Till then,

– Joyce.