Christmas will be hard this year

Well, Christmas is coming up next month.  It’s going to be so different this year with my daughter not here.  It’s also the tenth anniversary of events which led up to my being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.  Horrible events!  It’s not going to be the most fun Christmas ever.  I’m expecting it to be very depressing.  I’m going to try my hardest to not make it depressing for everybody.  We don’t even eat Christmas dinner together.  Everyone just grabs a plate and scatters to their respective rooms in front of their screens and eats.  Yay!  (sarcasm)

I usually love the Christmas season:  Christmas carols playing, all the delicious foods, beautiful scenery.  It’ll be so different this year.  I have such mixed feelings about it.  I have to start getting ready but we don’t even have any money for presents this year.  I’ll have to scrounge some up somehow.  I’ll have to take some out of our bills and grocery money, which we are already so behind in our bills.  And we have already used up all the overdraft in our account, and we still have a week to go until we get paid our Baby Bonus.  Fun! (sarcasm again)

At least we can sign up for assistance and get a gift card for a few groceries through ODSP.  We just have to bring everyone in the family’s ID, and copies of our bills, and our Statement of Assistance.  That’ll come in handy.  It probably still won’t be enough this year.  My nerves get so bad just thinking about it.  I just want to give my son a good Christmas.  We usually have good Christmases.  We can also sign up to receive a few presents for our son.  They’re eligible until their 13, and he’s 12 this year, so it’s the last year that he is eligible.  Might as well take advantage of it.  Might as well take advantage of anything that’s available to us I say.  That’s what it’s there for.  And we can really use it, especially this year!

Thanks for listening to my ramble,

– Joyce.

2 responses to “Christmas will be hard this year”

  1. Christmas is always what we make it. Often there are things that make it harder to be cheerful, memories or lost ones can make this harder, it becomes hard to force ourselves to try. You need to get a big foam bat and persuade your family to share meals…. a few good bops to get their attention, you can do it to sleigh bells are ringing… 😉


  2. Sending you big hugs, Joyce. A lot of times we have unrealistic expectations of “the perfect Christmas” anyway and we’re disappointed when it doesn’t measure up. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself…it is what it is, so cherish the good moments even if it’s not all that you hoped for ♥



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