I have been stuck in a rut for such a long time. A couple of years now. I feel so fatigued all the time, without even doing anything hardly. All I ever do is go to the local Peer Support Centre and go on my computer. That and cook and do my laundry and do the dishes with my husband. I read sometimes but not as much as I used to. Mostly, I read online. Which I really enjoy but something is missing and I don’t know exactly what. I enjoy blogging so much. I hope I am reaching people and helping them through here and on Facebook and my other links. Sometimes it feels so lonely. But through my blogging and Facebook, I feel connected to others who know what it feels like to feel this emptiness inside you. I enjoy crocheting in my weekly Craft Group. I used to enjoy baking. I’m trying so hard to push myself out of this rut by baking some cookies. I got some cookies that all you have to do is place them on the cookie sheet and bake them. I thought that that might help me a little. It has a little but not enough.
I wish Spring would get here. It hasn’t been too bad a winter so I can’t complain too much but I’ll just be so glad when it’s over for another year. I’ve been watching TV shows and movies with my husband. We haven’t done that together for a long time. It’s nice. It helps me out of my rut a little bit.
I used to be in better shape and we lived closer to downtown. When the kids were little, we used to make a day of it on the weekends. We’d go to the library, then the park, then walk along the boardwalk at the river, and then home. We’d bring snacks and they’d play on the equipment at the park and read our library books, then we’d feed the ducks. I miss that so much! Now, everything is so far away, it takes me half an hour to get anywhere. I used to be able to get downtown within a few minutes. By the time I get downtown now, I’m too exhausted to do anything or go anywhere else. I hate it so much! It’s so pathetic! When I go for a walk, elderly people pass me! I’ve lost some weight recently but I’m still so out of shape. I wish I could get in better shape. I used to enjoy playing badminton in the summer. I haven’t done that for years. We need a new badminton set. And someone to play with me. My son says that we need a new badminton set. But even if we had a new one, he probably wouldn’t play with me anyways. He’d get bored and upset with me.
I wish I could get out of this rut! I’m sorry for complaining but I just had to let this out. To anyone who actually read all of this, thank you so much for being there for me.