When my husband and I had a talk last night, I said that I was a very emotional person. He said that I hadn’t been really emotional for the last five years. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not, or why it would happen. Are my meds numbing me out? I’m supposed to change dosages next month. I’m supposed to go from two Abilify tablets with a Cymbalta capsule in the morning and one in the afternoon to one Abilify with my Cymbalta in the morning and one in the afternoon. I don’t know if that will help me with my fatigue or not. Or if Spring coming will help. I hope so! At least I won’t have to worry about snow and ice and bundling up and freezing to death and taking half an hour to get ready to go anywhere. We can open the windows at let some oxygen in the house. I hope that helps.
I wonder if my husband said that I’m not as emotional meant that it’s because I’ve learned how to manage my emotions much better? Last fall, my mother-in-law and I weren’t getting along that well. But we had some talks and she understands me so much better now. I wish my parents and sister would talk about BPD with me. They only want me when I’m happy, not when I’m sad. I wish they wanted all of me. I tried to explain things to them once, but it was just too awkward. They’ll never understand. I don’t have to worry about my brother understanding. He’s a narcissist. He thinks he knows everything, but he doesn’t.
I know I’ve talked about this before but I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t wait until April 1st when I change my meds and the weather gets better. Then I can maybe not be quite so fatigued all the time. And maybe I’ll have my emotions back. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not though.
Thanks for listening,