Feeling Guilty about my Brother

I feel guilty, like a bad person, that I haven’t cried over my brother’s death.  Shouldn’t I be bawling my eyes out?  All I feel is shocked and numb.  Everyone grieves differently though, I guess.  I talked to the lady at the Peer Support Centre today, and she said I shouldn’t feel bad about it.

I have an appointment with my counsellor tomorrow, so I can talk to her about it.  My nerves keep bugging me.  I can’t sit still.  I feel so antsy.  I try to keep my mind busy but all I can do is sit and try to concentrate on something like writing or playing solitaire for a few minutes, then I have to get up and walk around with my coffee for a few minutes – back and forth, back and forth.

I haven’t talked to my parents or sister for a couple of days.  I’ve been busy, grocery shopping and stuff.  I called them earlier and left them a message.  They must be busy.  I hope they’re doing ok.

Thanks again for listening.  Talk to you guys later,

– Joyce.

6 responses to “Feeling Guilty about my Brother”

  1. Please don’t be hard on yourself. I never have any idea how some people cry so readily, and immediately, when this confused, numb, agitated state seems so natural when something is hard to process. I guess you said it perfectly, that everyone grieves differently. There are also many stages of grief. Lots of love to you, Joyce. Look after yourself. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your comment. I don’t feel quite so bad now. I think maybe part of it could be that my meds are numbing me out too. xx

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I was told that everyone grieves differently when I didn’t do much crying over my mother. I blamed a lot of it on the drugs and the bipolar depression I was in at that time, but certain memories now bring the tears and it has been almost 2 years.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for commenting. I don’t feel so alone.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. You’re right, everyone grieves differently! You’re going through a lot of pain right now and your physical reaction in no way changes the weight of this pain. Don’t punish yourself by deciding you should react a certain way! You’re doing a great job just to keep it together right now. xx


    1. Thank you for your comment! It doesn’t feel like I’m keeping it together. I don’t know what it feels like. It feels like a dream, and that I’ll wake up and my brother’s still here.



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