Category Archives: Creative Work

My Friend, My Crutch


This picture was chosen by Cathy at Lonely Lotus:

 

*** Possible Trigger Warning***

My Friend - My Crutch

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This illustration was selected by my Facebook Friend Kate at Borderline Personality A Thousand Origami Cranes:

 

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I Am The Shadow – Illustrated


This illustration was chosen by my Facebook Friend Cathy at  Lonely Lotus:

 

I Am The Shadow

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I wrote this a few months ago:

I never feel like I am strong,
I never feel like I belong,
And everything I do is wrong,
Why can’t I just be normal?

– By Joyce Savage.

I Am The Shadow


I Am The Shadow

I am the shadow,
I exist in a world of light,
Blending into the darkness of night.

My face you cannot see,
My expressions, sometimes misleading.

If you hear a whisper in the wind,
It may be me.

I am the shadow,
I exist in a world of sounds, good and bad.
Of laughter,
Crying,
Shouting,
Singing.

You think that I feel nothing,
No love,
No hate,
No anger,
No fear,
No pain.
But you are wrong.

You think that I do not cry,
But I weep silently.
You cannot see the tears that slide down my cheeks,
But they are there.

I am the shadow, you cannot touch,
Always within sight but never within reach.

I am the shadow, afraid to trust the light for it distorts me.
Please forgive me if I trick you,
I cannot control it.

I long to live in the light,
To be held and loved,
But I am only a silent shadow,
Watching but unable to take part in it all,
What others do, I can only dream of.

So I lurk in corners,
Ignored,
Misunderstood.
Always waiting for the night to come,
Always dying but never dead.

I am the shadow, I have no friends,
Even in a crowd, I’m all alone.
Existing in somber shades of gray,
A lonely shadow,
I’m doomed to stay.

– By Joyce Savage, 1990.

Here is a video of this poem:

To This Day by Shane Koyczan


https://makebpdstigmafree.wordpress.com/to-this-day-by-shane-koyczan/

The Poem | Ψ Dare To Dream…


The Poem | Ψ Dare To Dream….

My Friend, My Crutch


*** POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING!***

My Friend, My Crutch

I have you in case I need you,
But since I have you, I don’t need you anymore.
But it feels so good knowing that you’re there if I do need you,
That you can make all my pain go away.

You make me feel safe,
I can lean on you,
My crutch, my support,
My friend, my enemy,
My salvation,
My security blanket beneath my pillow, where I rest my head.

I wish I didn’t need you,
That I could cope on my own,
But I feel too weak.

So I retreat into my mind,
An endless soap opera,
Much better than the painful real life I lead every day.
Where I control the players,
I control the plot.
If only I could control these thoughts and emotions that overtake my mind every day.

Maybe someday I won’t need this crutch anymore,
Maybe I can learn to cope.
Until then, I know I can depend on you,
That you won’t betray me like all the others around me.
My crutch, my support,
My friend, my enemy,
My salvation,
My security blanket.

By Joyce Savage.

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I wrote this poem recently when I was feeling very depressed and alone.  I felt so hopeless and misunderstood.  It seemed like no one cared how I felt.  I felt totally invalidated.  I’ve been feeling a lot better since then.  I hope this poem helps people without BPD realize how intense our emotions are.

——————————–

Every morning, I put on my armour,
To protect me from their poisoned tongues,
Each arrow pierces my soul,

With each one I die a little more each day,
How much dying can one take till they are truly dead?

I am not full of life,
I am not dead,
I am numb and feel nothing.
I am past feeling the pain,
Eventually you don’t feel anymore.

How does one feel so hollow, so empty?
A shell of a person?

How do you get past pain to nothingness?
How do you feel less than nothing?

What a curse it is,
To take on the world’s pain upon your shoulders,
Their anger, their fear,

To feel the darkness of a million souls,
All screaming in your head,
And filling your heart.

To feel it as your own.

And you can never stop the floodgate of emotions that wash over you,
Consuming you,
Draining you.

Dragon flames licking at your heels,
As you try to climb out of the hell that’s your life,
Only to be pulled back by your demons to be tortured anew,
When will it end?

– By Joyce Savage.

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I never feel like I am strong,
I never feel like I belong,
And everything I do is wrong,
Why can’t I just be normal?

– By Joyce Savage.