I Am The Shadow


I Am The Shadow

I am the shadow,
I exist in a world of light,
Blending into the darkness of night.

My face you cannot see,
My expressions, sometimes misleading.

If you hear a whisper in the wind,
It may be me.

I am the shadow,
I exist in a world of sounds, good and bad.
Of laughter,
Crying,
Shouting,
Singing.

You think that I feel nothing,
No love,
No hate,
No anger,
No fear,
No pain.
But you are wrong.

You think that I do not cry,
But I weep silently.
You cannot see the tears that slide down my cheeks,
But they are there.

I am the shadow, you cannot touch,
Always within sight but never within reach.

I am the shadow, afraid to trust the light for it distorts me.
Please forgive me if I trick you,
I cannot control it.

I long to live in the light,
To be held and loved,
But I am only a silent shadow,
Watching but unable to take part in it all,
What others do, I can only dream of.

So I lurk in corners,
Ignored,
Misunderstood.
Always waiting for the night to come,
Always dying but never dead.

I am the shadow, I have no friends,
Even in a crowd, Iā€™m all alone.
Existing in somber shades of gray,
A lonely shadow,
Iā€™m doomed to stay.

– By Joyce Savage, 1990.

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24 thoughts on “I Am The Shadow”

  1. I just watched your video of this on youtube. It is very sad feeling. I could identify with so much of what you said. I love this part:

    You think that I feel nothing,
    No love,
    No hate,
    No anger,
    No fear,
    No pain.
    But you are wrong.

    How wrong that is indeed! We feel EVERYTHING, too much at times, right?

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    • Absolutely! Thank you for your comment. I’m glad you enjoyed it. It feels so good to know that someone else out there can identify with how I’m feeling! Usually, it feels like no one in the entire world will ever understand. Now if only we can raise more awareness and get rid of this stigma!

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    • Hello Joyce, I love what you have written. Im so sad, but in a good way, I’m not alone, you have shown me that there is away to help people understand. I hide it all inside, im 24 and was diagnosed with BPD last year, it got so bad I all most died in A & E, the only people that understand are you and others bpd’s. And very realy people that are willing to educate them selfs. It’s so lonely. Keep up the great work. Xxx

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  2. I just found you over google and the community of bpd in googe and feel, hear and finally see the video and feel the same as wil above. so, i w’ont repeat just to say thank you for your efforts to share your experiences, your feelings and try to help each other. thank you – ulrike.

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    • I’m sorry that you feel that way. I hope it helps knowing that you’re not alone, and that there are others out there who feel the same as you. I hope you don’t feel as much like a shadow soon. Are you in DBT?

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  9. I love this – it is beautifully worded and captures the exact feelings that I have too as someone who has BPD also. I can really relate to this. Thank you for sharing your poignant words x

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