Sleepless Again

I haven’t slept a wink all night!  It’s now 3:30 in the morning and I’m so tired I want to cry.  I think it’s partly because I ran out of my Cymbalta and partly because of my daughter’s situation.  I’ve ran out of my Cymbalta a few times and every time, I get insomnia.  It doesn’t help worrying about my daughter.   She asked for money for food yesterday and I gave her a few bucks.  She called me later and asked for more.  I said no.  She called me lazy and hung up on me.  I’d told her I could give her a gift card for the grocery store and she asked “Where am I supposed to cook it?” and I said “Exactly!”  I asked her to come home so we could have a family meeting and she said “No.”  She’d agreed earlier in the day.  She probably just said that because we were at the Peer Support Centre and she wanted money.

Insomnia sucks!  I wish I could sleep but I’m obviously not going to get any sleep tonight.  Oh well.

My son learned a new trick on his skateboard and was so happy yesterday.  He was so excited to tell Grandma!

I need to do some grocery shopping.  I don’t know how I’m gonna stay awake.  I hope I sleep tonight.  It always feels so weird and disorienting when I haven’t slept because it feels like just one long day.  Usually, you would go to sleep then wake up and it’s the next day, so when I don’t have that, it doesn’t feel like another day.

Almost back-to-school time!  My son goes back on September 2nd.  We had a very uneventful summer, other than dealing with my daughter’s stuff the last couple of weeks.  We didn’t go anywhere or do anything.  Boorrring!

At least I get to see my counsellor tomorrow.  Thank God!  I really need to talk to her about our daughter.  She doesn’t know all the stuff that’s happened while she was on holidays.  Our daughter had just spend a few nights with friends.  My counsellor doesn’t know that our daughter hasn’t been home for two weeks and says that she’s never coming home.

I’m sure I’ll talk to you all again shortly since I can’t sleep.  Thanks again for listening.

– Joyce.

What A Week!

Wednesday was our son’s birthday.  He turned 12.  We got him a few small presents.  He wanted a new skateboard but they’re not available yet.  We’re getting him one at the end of the month.

Thursday was my anniversary.  17 years!  I can’t believe it!  It’s been rocky!  At first, I didn’t know if my husband cared or not.  I got him a card and he never opened it until later that night.  I wished him a “Happy Anniversary” and he said “Yeah.”  He did get me a card yesterday.  I wasn’t feeling well the day before though.  I thought he didn’t care anymore maybe.  And of course with BPD, our minds go crazy with all sorts of thoughts.

Some days I’ve felt so tired and lazy, all I want to do is sleep.  I have no trouble falling asleep at night.  Other times, I can stay awake during the day (barely), but I can’t sleep at night.  Last night, I had a pretty good night’s sleep.  My psychiatrist increased my Abilify.  I’m now taking 60mg of Cymbalta and 2 tablets of Abilify in the morning and 1 Abilify in the evening.  I hope it works!

I’m enjoying Craft Group.  I’m missing Women’s Group a little bit, though.  I’m getting a little bit more done on my blanket.

Our daughter picked up some schoolwork to do during the March Break.  She’s gotten quite a bit done already.  I wish she could just get back to school.  It’s so hard worrying about her all the time!

It’s finally supposed to get above 0 degrees!  Yay!  If only it wasn’t so windy out!

Don’t forget to turn your clocks ahead one hour before you go to bed tonight.

Thanks to everyone who follows my blog.  I appreciate it so much!

– Joyce.

Shrink Appointment – New Meds!

Cymbalta 60mg

Cymbalta 60mg (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: aripiprazole (Abilify) 2 mg and 5 mg

English: aripiprazole (Abilify) 2 mg and 5 mg (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I saw my counsellor yesterday.  It went pretty well.  After that, I saw my psychiatrist.  My counsellor went with me.  She changed my meds.  She added Abilify to my Cymbalta.  Now I’ll be taking 2.5 mg of Abilify and 30 mg of Cymbalta for 10 days, then start taking 5 mg of Abilify and 30 mg of Cymbalta every day.  It’s supposed to give me more “oomph” as my psychiatrist says.  I’ve been waiting for more “oomph” for a long time.  I’ll believe it if it happens.  I’m not expecting much.  I wish I could feel better!  I see her again on Nov. 26.  She wants my mother-in-law to attend our next appointment.  Should be interesting!

While I was waiting to get my prescription filled out, I used the blood pressure machine at the drugstore.  I haven’t checked it in ages.  It’s usually normal.  I checked it a couple of months ago and it was in the “high-normal” range.  This time it was in the high range.  I’ll have to tell my doctor about it the next time I see her, whenever that is.

I wish my daughter would go to her school program.  She’s supposed to go twice a week for a few hours.  She hasn’t made it there once.  She says she can’t sleep at night, and she has anxiety about going.

I’d like to get my BPD group going again.  Everything’s always so up in the air because of my daughter.  I have to take care of me!

– Joyce.