Well, I had a very busy day yesterday! I had my out-of-town BPD Group, my credit counselling appointment and Dinner Night at the local Peer Support centre all in the same day. My Group went pretty well. My counsellor was supposed to accompany me to my credit counselling appointment but she was off sick. I didn’t find that out until later in the evening though since she left me a voicemail on my phone but I didn’t have any time left on it. The counselling appointment went pretty well. She told me I should get an account at a different back so that they can’t take money out of our checking account to cover our credit card. She also told me to look for a cheaper place to live, which we’re already doing. Nothing available! And to declare bankruptcy. I was supposed to get a ride to the Peer Support Centre with my counsellor but she never showed up, obviously. Luckily, my mother-in-law and my daughter showed up just as my appointment was ending. We went to pick up a few things for my daughter, then I picked up a card for my phone. Then they dropped me off at the Centre. For dinner, they had Chicken Stew with homemade biscuits. Yum! And, of course, punch, as usual. They also had some pies for dessert. They had their Site Meeting before dinner. After dinner, I put the time on my phone and checked my voicemail. It was the receptionist from the Community Mental Health telling me that my counsellor was off sick and couldn’t meet me that day. By that time they were closed so I couldn’t call her back and let her know that I had gotten her message and wanted to schedule another appointment with her.
This morning, the phone rang but I didn’t get to it in time. It was my counsellor. She left me a voicemail saying that she’d call me at the Centre. I got to the Centre and she called me at about 10:45, asking me if I wanted to meet her then and go over things. I said “Sure” and went to go meet her. We had a pretty good visit. Then I went back to the Centre for lunch.
I’m so worried about our finances and my daughter. Her baby is due in April and they still haven’t found a place yet. They can’t stay where they are now with a new baby. They need to find an apartment.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I hadn’t slept the night before my very busy day yesterday. I actually slept last night. But my alarm didn’t go off this morning and I slept in a bit. Luckily my husband got our son off to school on time. I had listened to some relaxation podcasts on my new MP3 player that my sister got me for Christmas. It helped me not be quite so anxious about not sleeping. At least then I was awake but not awake and also extremely anxious about being awake.
So there you have it. My busy day in a nutshell. I’ve been trying to decide which bank to go with and what type of account we need. I’ll keep you all updated on how things go with my daughter and our finances. Thanks for listening. Till next time,
It’s 4:43 in the morning and I couldn’t go back to sleep so I decided to check online and see if our money was deposited into our account. It was! I’m so glad! My nerves were bothering me so bad about it. Now I just have to call the credit counselling people. My nerves are bad enough about that! I have major social anxiety around the phone. Especially having to call people about my credit cards! I’ll let you know how I do.
Just wanted to let you all know that, financially, all is well. Well, as well as it can be for now. I can finally do my last-minute Christmas shopping for our kids now! Till next time,
My daughter and her boyfriend popped into the Peer Support Centre for a few minutes today. Her boyfriend said that the ODSP cheques should be in tomorrow. I hope so! I’m sure that they’re usually in on the Monday before Christmas. This year I guess they’re in just a few days before Christmas. That makes it awfully hard to go Christmas shopping when you don’t get your cheque until the last minute! Oh well! We’ll make sure our son gets some of the things he’s asking for for Christmas. We always do. Usually we can get assistance for toys for him. But last year was the last year he was eligible. It’s only up to age 12 and he’s 13 this year. He’ll have a good Christmas anyways.
He wants to have a Christmas Eve party, playing board games and having chips and stuff. We probably will. I’ve invited our daughter and her boyfriend for Christmas dinner this year. At least I shouldn’t be eating alone as I usually do. My husband and son always fix their plates and go to their respective rooms: my son to his bedroom and my hubby to his music room. The only thing that’s different from any other day is that we have turkey and all the trimmings.
I’ll let you know if our cheque comes in tomorrow. Then I’ll be Christmas shopping. Thanks for listening to me rant / whine. Till next time,
We were supposed to have our cheque for January direct-deposited into our account today. We have not received it. I was supposed to go Christmas shopping today. My nerves are so shot! Why did we not get our cheque? Did they take it because I haven’t paid off our credit card yet? Can they do that? It’s Christmas!
I’ll have to contact ODSP and find out why the oversight. And figure out what we’re gonna do for money right now. I have a few dollars saved up. that’ll have to do us for now. I get a gift card for the grocery store today. We signed up for that weeks ago. At least we’ll have food this Christmas. I still have to get some presents for our son, which I was waiting on this cheque for.
I’m sure we’ll be all right somehow. We always are. Something good will happen. I’m not really a religious person, but right now I’m praying for something to happen. I’ll let you know how it goes. Till next time,
I don’t use my credit cards for frivolous things. I have two of them and the one is used mainly for groceries because I get points for shopping with it, which in turn, I can use to get free groceries. I’ve had it for years and I’ve only had problems with them recently. I’d love to just pay it all off and get rid of it.
The other one I never really have any problems with. I give them the minimum payment each month and they seem to be happy. I wish the other credit card company would leave us alone!
They said that, if I don’t pay off a huge sum of money by the end of the month, I wouldn’t be able to get a loan, I’d have bad credit for several years.
At least we get a little extra money this month. It’ll be going towards the bills and food. The credit card company will probably be upset that they’re not getting all of it but too bad. We gotta live. We have other bills to pay. We’ve gotta eat. They’ll get whatever I give them. I hope it’s enough.
Thanks for listening to another rant. I’ll let you know how things go.
My cellphone sucks! I’ve had it for a few years now. The battery dies within a few minutes of my unplugging it from the charger. My voicemail isn’t working for some reason. I’m gonna get a new one next week. I’ve missed calls. My counsellor probably phoned me but it wouldn’t let me get my messages. Aaarrrrrgggg!!!!!!!!!
I have the bill collectors hounding me again. The credit card company is asking me if I can pay $1,500 or possibly $7,000. Yeah, right! I don’t think so! I don’t have that kind of money lying around. They asked if my friends or family could lend us the money to pay it off. They don’t have that kind of money either. I’ll pay what I can when I can. That’s all I can do. We’re on disability so we don’t make much money. We’re supposed to be getting some extra money on Monday. A new benefit for parents. We can sure use it! We’ll put a few bucks on all of the bills and hopefully that will keep them happy for a while. It’ll have to.
Thanks for listening to my little rant today. Hope you’re all having a good day today. If not, I hope it gets better soon. Till next time,
We’ve had a bit more daughter drama here lately. Her and her boyfriend called and asked us for money again the other day. We told them we didn’t have any. Her boyfriend got on the phone and said some extremely rude and nasty things to me. He said even worse things in the background when she was talking to me. Then the next day she came to the door wanting to have a shower here. We told her that we didn’t appreciate being spoken to like they had on the phone. She kind of sulked and went over to the neighbour’s where her grandma was. They didn’t let her in there or give her any money either. Her grandma cried after she left because her nerves were so bad. None of us deserve this.
We didn’t hear anything from her for a couple of days. No apology, nothing. Finally, she came by and apologized. We told her that if she treated us with respect, we’d treat her with respect. My husband still hates her boyfriend and doesn’t want him to come around. I don’t blame him after some of the things he called me. I don’t care if he comes around either.
They’re still asking for money. I gave her a little bit of change yesterday morning. I can’t give her any more because I need to go grocery shopping. I can’t get a lot because we’re really broke but we need almost everything, so I’ll get a little of this and a little of that.
Thanks for listening once again. Till next time,
My daughter came over today. She said she needed money for new boots. The boots she has hurt her feet. They’re all scraped up around her ankles and heels. We told her we didn’t have any money. She started raising her voice at us. We told her to check out the thrift shops downtown. She said she wasn’t buying boots from a thrift shop. I told her to wear longer socks, instead of ankle socks. She said that that wouldn’t help. Then she started with the “You don’t even care about me!” She went out for a smoke then came back inside. When she came back in she was calmer and we chatted for a bit before her grandma drove her home. I hope she didn’t give her any money. She doesn’t have any to spare either. Our daughter has to learn that sometimes you can’t get what you want when you want it in life. Sometimes you have to say “I guess I’ll save up for some new boots for next month.” Sure, it’s not what she wants, but for many of us, it’s real life. At least I didn’t fall for her guilt trip today. Sometimes it’s so hard being a mom! She likes to catch me at the Peer Support Centre. Then my husband isn’t there to help me be strong with saying no to her. I have friends there that help me. They were just saying the other day how her and I seem to be getting along so much better. Probably not for long if I don’t give in to her and give her some money next week. It never fails. Almost every day, she’s there, ambushing me. I want so much to be close to her. But I don’t want to have to buy her love.
The credit card company keeps hassling me. I’ll pay what I can pay when I can pay it. We never used to have a problem with it before. I’d always make at least the minimum payment on it. It’s just in the last year that it’s been so bad with them. They said it’s now in Collections. We’re on ODSP (disability). We have no money. We can barely afford to pay our bills. We had to borrow money from a family friend to pay our rent this month. We’re supposed to be getting some extra money but they aren’t giving it to us. I’ve tried contacting Canada Revenue about it and have gotten nowhere so far. That money would really come in handy right now.
Oh well, what can you do? A lot of people are in the same boat as us. Money is so tight nowadays. Thanks again for listening to my babbling.
Our daughter came over for a quick visit last night. She said that her and her boyfriend had had a little fight. She grabbed some soup and had a talk with me for a few minutes before Grandma gave her a ride home. She did ask for a few bucks. I told her that we didn’t have any. Which we didn’t. I had just gone grocery shopping earlier in the day and spent some money on food, which we didn’t really have to spend but we have to eat. We don’t quite had enough to cover our rent cheque but we’re counting on getting some money soon that we’re entitled to from the government. We should have gotten it by now.
Our daughter finally got her own cheque from Welfare. She’s supposed to go to school full-time now, or get a note from her doctor saying why she can’t attend. She says it’s because of anxiety. She only has half a year of school left. Half a year and she’ll be eighteen. I can hardly believe it. I hope we did a good enough job of raising her. We did the best we could.
I’m sure I could have been a better parent if I had been diagnosed with BPD sooner. Then I could’ve gotten the right treatment sooner. All I can do now is do the best I can from now on. It’s my mission to help others so that they can get the help they need sooner, and lessen stigma. I hope I am doing a good job of that. Then at least I’ve done something right.
Our daughter’s been calling all afternoon and evening. First, she wanted to come over and do laundry. We hardly have any laundry detergent, and it costs us for the water and hydro. Then she asked us for money for groceries. We haven’t got any money for groceries. We barely have enough money for ourselves, let alone extra for her and her boyfriend. She just went shopping with me on Saturday. She mostly got stuff to drink and a couple of Mr. Noodles. I told her that maybe she should make a list next time she goes shopping. She told me that she didn’t have to make a list, she just needed more money (from us). I asked her if she wanted me to look up some easy recipes for her to make. She said she didn’t need any recipes.
If they need to do laundry and don’t have any money, they can do it for free at the local Peer Support Centre. They actually signed up one day, but then cancelled at the last minute to hang out with friends. Priorities!
We sent over some food that we don’t really eat. They’re probably not fussy about the stuff we sent over but beggars can’t be choosers, can they? At least they can’t say that they have nothing to eat now. And Grandma can take them to the Mission tomorrow if they need more food. It’s free lunch day there tomorrow.
My nerves are starting to get to me with all of this. Welcome to the real world, sweetie!
My husband and I had a date Friday. We hadn’t had one for several months. It was so nice for a change! Sunday, we watched movies together. We haven’t done that for about a year. We were supposed to have a date yesterday, but he cancelled it Monday night. I don’t know why. I’ve been going through so many emotions because of it – mainly depression, and wondering why he cancelled it. My moods have been up and down all week.
I was hoping we’d get some money I’d been expecting today, but we haven’t gotten it. Maybe next month. I was hoping so much that it would come in this month, with it being Christmas. Oh, well! We’ll give our son a good Christmas somehow anyways. We’ll be all right somehow. We always are.
Our daughter came over last night, wanting money again, for groceries. I made out a receipt and had her sign it, showing that we gave her the money, so they can’t come back later and say that we never gave them anything. We’re just about into our overdraft on our account and the rent hasn’t even come out yet. They can’t need it that badly if they wait until the middle of the month to take it out. If it was me, I’d take it out right on the first of the month, or as soon as possible after. We can’t find their number to get a hold of them. Oh well!
I hope everyone is having a good December. I’m still looking for those positive “Christmas with BPD” stories. I hope to hear from some of you soon. Thanks,
Yesterday, my daughter showed up at the Peer Support Centre again. She caused a huge disturbance to everyone there. It was the usual – she wanted money. She said that I was keeping her Baby Bonus away from her and that she was going to call the cops on me. I told her that I wasn’t keeping anything from her – that the money was for her brother and if we had extra, it was because they hadn’t processed yet that she had moved out and that, when they did, they would probably take away half of our money as overpayment, and then we would have much less money. She didn’t get it. She kept telling me that I was a bad mother, and that if I really cared about her, I’d just giver her her money. She was raising her voice so that everyone in the Centre could hear her. I went back just before they closed and apologized to everyone. I told her I was going home so she left, heading towards downtown, while I went outside then back in to apologize before heading home to get supper started. I really didn’t feel like walking all the way home yesterday. I usually don’t mind but I really wished I could’ve gotten a ride. Anyways, I made it eventually. I was so physically and emotionally exhausted, I barely had the energy to make supper, but I did it.
I’m still drained just thinking about it. At least today is Women’s Group at the Centre. I know exactly what I’m going to be talking about! At least everyone there says that I’m doing the right thing – that she made her choice and moved out. We really don’t need her back with all of her drama. I’ve tried to help her out the best I can. I’ve suggested things to her but she won’t do them. Everyone says to give her “tough love” and then she’ll do it, and be better for it. That she’ll be able to stand on her own two feet like she wants to. I’m really trying. It’s so hard! My nerves are so bad because of all of this! She just wants what she wants. She had money to somehow dye her hair, but she needs money from me for takeout and smokes. It’s a matter of priorities. She has none. She really needs to learn some. We’ve all had to and we did it. Now it’s her turn. Thanks for listening again,
I feel like I’m gonna have a nervous breakdown because of our daughter. I’m so tired of everything. I’m tired of being so broke. I’m tired of trying to be strong all the time. I wish my husband would try a little bit to get better. He suffers from social anxiety. So do I. I’m trying to work on mine. He never leaves the house. I’d say he has agoraphobia. I used to, years ago. I worked very hard to overcome it.
My daughter asked me for money again tonight. She said her stomach was bothering her. I offered her something for it, but she said that she needed something specific that she could only get downtown. She started fussing until I agreed to go to the corner store next door and get some money out of the bank machine to give her. I offered her a few bucks, but it wasn’t enough. She wanted more.
I feel like crying. I’ve felt it coming for a long time – months. I think I might start crying soon and not be able to stop. She said they also needed soap and body wash and stuff. I got a few things together for her, but she didn’t want them. It’s so unfair! I wish she’d get paid already! Then she wouldn’t have to give me a nervous breakdown bugging us for money all the time.
I’ve tried so hard to help her out – telling her where they can get meals cheap or free (Peer Support Centre or Mission), offering to help her out with budgeting and making out shopping lists, etc. But it’s never good enough. I can’t take any more! It’s been months of this! I wish she’d go to the local Community Mental Health Centre and talk to a counselor there. But she won’t do that. They could hook her up with various organizations that could help them out. But she won’t. She’d rather give me a nervous breakdown. I know I’m rambling but I can’t help it tonight. I’ve had enough! I really can’t take anymore. I’m starting to hate my daughter. I feel horrible saying that but the thought of seeing her fills me with dread. What a rotten thing to say about my daughter, eh?
We’ve used almost all of our overdraft and we still have a few more days until we get our Baby Bonus. As soon as we get it, half of it will go towards paying back our overdraft. Then I have to pay the credit card companies. With no money. And buy groceries. The only thing I use the one credit card for is mostly just for groceries. Not anything frivolous. I used to save our overdraft for emergencies only. Now we don’t even have any money hardly. We’ve already had our water shut off for a few hours until I called and paid the minimum to get it turned back on again.
Right now, I’m blasting music on my headphones and trying to make everything go away for a little while. It’s sort of working for now. I don’t know for how long though. I’m feeling totally overwhelmed right now. I’ll let you know how I’m feeling later.
My daughter showed up at the Peer Support Centre today asking for money again. I told her I didn’t have any. She left kind of angry. When I got home, my husband told me that we had no water. I called the water company, no small feat considering my anxiety on the phone. They said that they had shut the water off due to a lack of payment. I told them I could pay the minimum amount online today. They said they’d have it on by 4:00. This was around 2:00. By 2:30, our water was back on. I’m so tired of all of this! Worrying about our daughter, worrying about bills. Now we’re into our overdraft on our checking account. I try to save that for emergencies only. Last month, we had to dip into it. This month, we’ve had to even sooner. We’re only a week into October, for Christ’s sake!
I just needed to let that out. I hope my daughter gets a job she applied for. She has an interview on Thursday. I doubt she’ll get it but she needs to do something to get her own income. Either a job or Welfare. We really can’t afford to support her by giving her money for takeout while we get our water (or maybe something else) cut off. Thanks for listening,