What A Week!

My sister is now married!  The wedding went very well.  My sister looked beautiful in her gown.  I danced with the Best Man and didn’t do too bad I guess, considering that I’d never danced before in my entire life.  I even danced with the groom.

In other news, my daughter had her baby yesterday!  A little boy.  I’m not sure how much he weighed.  He was premature.  He wasn’t supposed to be born until around the 1st to the 3rd of August.  He’ll need to stay in the hospital for about 8 weeks.  I didn’t get a chance to see him, but I did get to see my daughter for a few minutes.  I didn’t stay too long, as she needed some rest.  I’ll get to see my newest grandson another day.  I hadn’t slept the night before so I was so exhausted yesterday.  I slept well last night.

Hope everyone is having a great June so far.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

A Late March Update

My son just turned 15.  His grandmother came over and he opened some presents.  He got mostly what he wanted – some DVDs and some gift cards and candy.

My husband and I celebrated our 20th anniversary.  We had a very quiet day.  He got me a teddy bear and some chocolates.  For our 25th, we’ll have to try to get away somewhere for a few days.  We’ll have to start saving up for it starting now, as soon as I can actually save a few bucks.  Still working on paying off my credit cards.

This blog is now four years old.  I just got a notification from WordPress telling me the other day.  Wow!  Four years.  I can tell a difference in myself from when I first started blogging.  My relationship with my mother-in-law was not very good at the time.  She was living with us and she didn’t understand my Borderline Personality Disorder.  We had a few good talks and she understands me a lot better now.  We get along great.  She is just like a second mother to me.  She has since remarried and moved out but we keep in touch often by phone and sometimes with visits.

I am thinking of possibly starting my BPD Group up again in May.  I’ll have to think of some materials to prepare for it.  I have a few ideas already.  I’ll have to schedule it around my son’s tutoring, which is going well.  He’s come into the hallway when she goes to the front door to put her boots on and waves to her.  All she can see is his hands, then his foot.  Next time, he’ll have to show her both his hands and feet.  That’ll be something to see!

My sister came over on Monday for our monthly sisters day together.  We had fun playing cards and goofing off on the computer.  My grandson turned one year old on Monday.  I haven’t heard from my daughter for a week.  I hope her and my grandson are doing okay.  My grandson is getting adopted.  It’s probably the best thing.  My daughter and her boyfriend are not ready to be parents right now.  They’re couch surfing and have no money.  I wish things would get better for them.  But they have to reach out for help.  There is help out there if you are willing to take it.  I keep telling my daughter to talk to a counsellor because they can hook you up with different agencies to help you but she just won’t for some reason.  She’d rather just ask my husband and I for money, which we don’t have.

Sorry for complaining but I just needed to let that all out.  I thought I would update you on how my life is going right now.  I’ll have some more news coming soon.  Till then,

— Joyce.

April Update

I had my last out-of-town BPD Group yesterday.  Nobody showed up for it.  So I had a group with just the lady who runs the centre and my Peer Support worker.  I was very disappointed.  I had wanted to say goodbye to everyone in the group.

After Group, my worker took me to another one of their centres.  I’m gonna be doing a presentation on BPD there on the 28th of this month.  I hope it goes well!

I really need to get to the hospital and see my new grandson again ASAP!  My mother-in-law has been taking our daughter and her boyfriend every day.  They never ask me if I want to come.  Maybe she thinks I’m busy.  It would still be nice to be asked.  I’m gonna hint that I’d like to see the baby too and see what happens.  I hope she takes the hint.

I couldn’t sleep a wink last night.  I don’t know why.  I’ve had so much trouble sleeping for weeks now.  Either I can’t sleep until 3 am or else I wake up at 3 am and then I can’t go back to sleep.  The other day, I was awake from 3 am for 24 hours and then I got an hour or two of sleep, then was awake for the day again.  That sucked!

That’s it for now.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

A Very Eventful Easter!

My daughter and her boyfriend recently got kicked out of where they were staying.  They’ve been staying with his mom for a couple of weeks.  They’re getting an apartment out of town on April 1st.  Now for the big news:  I’m a grandma!  My daughter had her baby yesterday, on Easter Sunday.  It’s a little boy.  He only weighed 3 lbs. and 8 oz.  He’s a couple months premature so he’ll have to stay in the hospital for another 8 weeks.  But mother and baby are both doing fine.  I can’t believe I’m a grandma!  I wasn’t expecting this so soon!  But I’m so excited.  The baby’s middle name is my late brother’s name.  My daughter wanted to honour him.  How sweet!

Just had to let you know my great news.  Thanks for reading.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

Weather Woes and More

I am feeling very stressed out, overwhelmed and mentally exhausted right now.  There’s so much going on.  I’m worried about our credit cards, our son’s birthday is coming up, and I’m worried about our daughter.

The weekend before last was terrible, weather-wise.  It was so extremely cold and our daughter and her boyfriend’s heater quit working.  We told them they could stay with us for a bit.  It ended up being about five days.  Which was ok by me, as long as they contributed a little bit somehow.  But they were really getting on my husband’s nerves.  Especially with their arguing.  Mostly her boyfriend yelling at her and calling her names.  Finally, my husband had had enough and told them that he wouldn’t have that in his house, that he had enough of that growing up with his dad yelling at his mom.  He told her boyfriend to get out.  So they both grabbed their things and left.  Did I forget to mention that they’d brought their kitten too?  My mother-in-law and her new hubby lent them an electric blanket so they would be a little bit warmer.  I really hope they find a place soon.  Her baby is due in April (or May).

Just needed to get that out.  Thank you for reading.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

We’re Having A Grandson!

Our daughter had an ultrasound yesterday and found out that she’s having a boy.  So we’re gonna have a grandson.  And our son is gonna be an uncle.  He’s always wanted a little brother.  I told him that having a nephew will be almost like having a little brother – It will be someone to look up to him and play with.  I think he’s kind of excited.  I hope this helps him get along with his sister better.  Whenever she comes over he goes to his room and ignores her.

Just wanted to tell you all my news.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

An Eventful Birthday Weekend!

Saturday was my birthday.  I turned 47.  My daughter came over to visit for a bit and have supper with me.  On Sunday, I went to my parents’ for the day.  We had some birthday cake and my sister got me some chocolates.  We played cards for a bit.  There was a bit of excitement after supper.  I got a call from my mother-in-law that our daughter and future son-in-law were at the hospital.  He was having pains in his side.  We rushed over and he was waiting for us outside.  Then our daughter came out.  They asked if they could get a ride home.  We gave them a ride home, then my parents took me home.

The next day, I went to the Peer Support Centre.  My daughter showed up, looking very tired.  She said that the night before her boyfriend had gone back to the hospital in the night to see about his pains, which had come back.  They told him they think it’s his gall bladder.  He’s getting an ultrasound this morning to find out for sure.

A few years ago on my birthday, my dad was in the hospital having surgery to remove cancer.  I’m so glad that it worked and that he’s still with us today!

A while ago, our daughter’s boyfriend got in a fight.  He was defending himself and our daughter.  He was charged with assault and possession of marijuana.  I hope they’re not using money that we’re giving them for food to buy pot!  We’re in the hole so bad right now!  I have opened an account at a different bank.  Now I just need to get our ODSP deposited into it.  I have to make some phone calls this morning and I’m so nervous!  I hate making phone calls, except to close family.  Wish me luck!

We still need to find a cheaper place to live.  And our daughter and her boyfriend need to find an apartment.  Wish us luck with that too, if you can.

Thanks for reading.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

How My Very Busy Day Went

Well, I had a very busy day yesterday!  I had my out-of-town BPD Group, my credit counselling appointment and Dinner Night at the local Peer Support centre all in the same day.  My Group went pretty well.  My counsellor was supposed to accompany me to my credit counselling appointment but she was off sick.  I didn’t find that out until later in the evening though since she left me a voicemail on my phone but I didn’t have any time left on it.  The counselling appointment went pretty well.  She told me I should get an account at a different back so that they can’t take money out of our checking account to cover our credit card.  She also told me to look for a cheaper place to live, which we’re already doing.  Nothing available!  And to declare bankruptcy.  I was supposed to get a ride to the Peer Support Centre with my counsellor but she never showed up, obviously.  Luckily, my mother-in-law and my daughter showed up just as my appointment was ending.  We went to pick up a few things for my daughter,  then I picked up a card for my phone.  Then they dropped me off at the Centre.  For dinner, they had Chicken Stew with homemade biscuits.  Yum!  And, of course, punch, as usual.  They also had some pies for dessert.  They had their Site Meeting before dinner.  After dinner, I put the time on my phone and checked my voicemail.  It was the receptionist from the Community Mental Health telling me that my counsellor was off sick and couldn’t meet me that day.  By that time they were closed so I couldn’t call her back and let her know that I had gotten her message and wanted to schedule another appointment with her.

This morning, the phone rang but I didn’t get to it in time.  It was my counsellor.  She left me a voicemail saying that she’d call me at the Centre.  I got to the Centre and she called me at about 10:45, asking me if I wanted to meet her then and go over things.  I said “Sure” and went to go meet her.  We had a pretty good visit.  Then I went back to the Centre for lunch.

I’m so worried about our finances and my daughter.  Her baby is due in April and they still haven’t found a place yet.  They can’t stay where they are now with a new baby.  They need to find an apartment.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I hadn’t slept the night before my very busy day yesterday.  I actually slept last night.  But my alarm didn’t go off this morning and I slept in a bit.  Luckily my husband got our son off to school on time.  I had listened to some relaxation podcasts on my new MP3 player that my sister got me for Christmas.  It helped me not be quite so anxious about not sleeping.  At least then I was awake but not awake and also extremely anxious about being awake.

So there you have it.  My busy day in a nutshell.  I’ve been trying to decide which bank to go with and what type of account we need.  I’ll keep you all updated on how things go with my daughter and our finances.  Thanks for listening.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

Daugther Does Drop-In and Hubby’s Holiday Surprise

Today my daughter met me at the Peer Support Centre.  We coloured some Christmas pictures to decorate the Centre.  Then she had lunch with me there.  We had Taco Bake.  It was delicious!

After lunch, she asked me if I would go with her to a Drop-In for pregnant moms.  I’ve been trying to get her to go for weeks now.  I said Yes.  I’m so glad we went!  We met some nice people there.  You are eligible for this program while you are pregnant and until the baby is 6 months old.  You get free transportation, free groceries, handouts, free childcare, free prenatal vitamins.  They make a healthy recipe while you’re there, that you get to take home with you.  They made Sloppy Joes today.  She got to take the leftovers home.  She got a cookbook, a pregnancy workout DVD and more handouts.  Cool!  Next week is their last week before the holidays.  Maybe her boyfriend will go with her next time.  I told her that anytime she wants me to go with her, just ask.  She knows where I usually am in the afternoons – at the Peer Support Centre.

In other news, when I got home today, my husband had put up our Christmas tree and it’s already got the lights on it!  He said that our son and I could decorate it.  We put a few decorations on it tonight.  We’ll finish it tomorrow.

I don’t think we’re gonna get any snow for Christmas this year.  oh well.  It’s so nice and mild for December!  Till next time,

— Joyce.

I’m Gonna Be A Grandma!

I just found out recently that my daughter is pregnant.  She’s living with her boyfriend in a trailer on a friend’s property.  They’re looking after their rabbits for them.  They’re both on assistance.  Which is nothing to be ashamed of.  My husband and I are on assistance as well.  We’re both on Disability.  My daughter and her boyfriend are on Welfare.  I hope her boyfriend gets a job soon though.  It would be great if they could find an apartment before winter gets here.

There are some programs in town to help out new moms and moms-to-be.  I hope she takes advantage of them as soon as possible.  There’s one taking place tomorrow afternoon.  You get transportation provided.  They pay for a taxi for you to get there.  They want you to have a healthy baby.  I think it could be put on by the local Health Unit.  Each week, they make a healthy recipe, then you get to take it home and make it.  They even give you free groceries.  And there’s childcare.  You can’t ask for more than that!  Well, you could I guess.

My daughter is so short and petite.  I don’t know how she’s gonna carry and deliver this baby!  She looks about twelve years old but she’s just turned eighteen in August.  She smokes but says she’s cutting down.  I really hope so!

I guess her boyfriend is looking after her.  We’ve been told that he “treats her like a princess” always making sure she eats.  She eats like a bird, and wastes so much food.  She can’t do that much longer.  Babies are expensive!  We’ll have to make sure she has everything she needs for the baby.  She’d better stock up on diapers, bottles, etc.  Make sure she has somewhere for the baby to sleep.  A diaper bag, clothes, a stroller, etc.  She’ll want to take the baby for lots of walks, especially if it’s colicky like she was.  Then they’ll be wanting Grandma and Granddad to look after it.  Of course, we’d love to babysit.

At least with this baby, I’ll have done DBT and will be much better this time around at managing my emotions.  I didn’t do the best job with my kids when they were little, but I’ve tried my best to make up for it knowing what I know now.  That’s why it’s my passion in life to share DBT with others, and spread awareness of BPD and get rid of stigma.

Stay tuned for more.  I’ll be letting you know how things progress with my daughter and the baby.  Along with whatever else is going on in my life.  Like dealing with grief from my brother’s death.  But that’s another story!

Thanks for tagging along with me in this crazy ride we call life.  Till next time,

— Joyce.