An Update on My Son

My son had a doctor’s appointment today.  He’s starting a new medication tomorrow.  I hope it helps him!  He’s off school for the next few weeks until I have a meeting with his Attendance Counsellor, his tutor and the teacher at the school in a couple weeks.  His doctor wants to give the meds a few weeks to see if they work for him.  He has a few OCD-type quirks.  The meds are supposed to help with that too.  I would like nothing better than for him to be able to walk through the front door of the school someday.  Right now, he goes in the side door, where it’s just him, the tutor and his friend.

He doesn’t feel challenged enough at school but he doesn’t do any work at home.  The tutor gave him a couple of lessons to do on his own and he won’t do them.  He’s supposed to be in Grade 10, but he says that these lessons feel like Grade 3 work to him.  From what I saw last year, it didn’t look like Grade 3 work to me.

He wants to work ahead but his tutor wants him to work at the same pace as his friend, unless he can prove he can do those two lessons independently.

My son has trouble swallowing pills.  Luckily, this new medication is in capsule form.  The doctor said that he can put it in some yogurt or ice cream and take it that way, unless he can just swallow them whole, which I don’t think he can.

He’s had toothaches for months now.  He’s waiting to get a consultation for a root canal.  They’re gonna take some x-rays.  I don’t know if they’ll even be able to do a root canal or not.  He may just have to get it pulled.  He said that a piece of his tooth broke off.  Until he either gets a root canal or gets it pulled, we can give him children’s Motrin.  The doctor said that he can have 3-4 teaspoons every 4 hours.  He was supposed to go for a consultation yesterday but the dentist’s office called and said that their power was out so we’ve had to reschedule it for a few weeks from now.

I wish we could have this school meeting sooner, but I guess it’s hard to get everyone coordinated.  I’m really anxious to see what comes of it.

So that’s what’s been happening with our son lately.  I’ll let you know how his meds work out.  The doctor said that he would probably have some side effects for the first few days and then they should go away.

I’m so glad I did DBT!  If it wasn’t for that, I’d be a nervous wreck right now.  I’m able to manage my emotions much better than I did years ago.  I can think a lot clearer now.  I had a lot to remember at the doctor’s office and I did it!  I’m so proud of myself.  I’ve come such a long way compared to how I used to be.  If you get a chance to do DBT, take it!  It is so life-changing.

Thank you for joining me in my continuing journey of recovery!  Your support means so much!  Till next time,

— Joyce.

March 2nd Update

I am taking part in Project I Am Not Ashamed.  On August 18th, I’m going to stand downtown with a sign saying “I have Borderline Personality Disorder traits and I am not ashamed”  I told my husband and my sister.  They both said that they would never do it, but that they support me.  I’m gonna ask my friend if she’ll take part with me.

My son is turning 16 on Monday.  Wow!  I can’t believe it.  Our daughter will be 21 in August.  They grow up so fast.  Our son is really excited about taking his driver’s test.  I really hope he gets it.  It would give him a real sense of independence.

School has not been going well for him.  He got very upset on Wednesday and left early.  He has a doctor’s appointment this coming Wednesday.  I really hope they can do something for him.  He’s a very sensitive young man.  He doesn’t feel challenged enough at school.  They’re hopefully going to do an assessment on him to find out if it’s just anxiety or more than that that he’s dealing with.  Then they’ll have to find a medication that works for him or possibly counselling or both.  I don’t think he’ll talk to a counsellor.  I really wish he would.  Boy, I’ve really used the word really a lot in this post!  Lol!

Our son also has an appointment on Tuesday to see about getting a root canal.  They’re going to do a consultation with him – taking x-rays, etc.  I’ve heard good and bad things about them.  It’s his teeth so it’s his decision what he wants to do with them.  He’s old enough to decide for himself.

I’ve been awake since 4 am.  It’s now 5:40 am.  I’m meeting my sister this morning.  We usually meet on Friday mornings.  Her and her hubby do their laundry then, and I usually join them for a coffee and keep my sister company while she washes and dries her clothes.  We get together about once a month for a Sister’s Day.  We don’t have one scheduled just yet for this month.  It’s gonna be a very busy month for both of us.

This year, Easter falls on April Fool’s Day.  What a strange situation!

My oldest grandson turns two this month.  He was born on Easter.  I haven’t seen him for a year-and-a-half.  Our other grandson will be one year old this June.  I saw him once when he was two weeks old.

Spring is finally on its way!  We turn the clocks ahead next weekend.  The days are getting longer.  I’m so happy!  Winter is not my favourite season!  I can finally put away my winter boots and winter coat and get out my running shoes and spring jacket.

That’s all for now.  Until next time,

— Joyce.

My Son Talked to The Attendance Counsellor!

Yesterday, my son saw the Attendance Counsellor at the school, by himself.  And he actually spoke to her.  Before, we’d see her at home at the kitchen table.  He’d sit sideways with his head down and his hair in front of his face.  He wouldn’t speak to her.  He’d just nod or shake his head in answer to her questions.  This is another huge step for him.  I’m so proud of him!  He’d doing so well.  He even saw the tutor afterwards and stayed until the end of the day.  He got lots of math done.

Just needed to share my good news with all of you.  Thanks for listening.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

My Son Went To School!

Yesterday, my son went to school!  Well, not regular high school, but for him it was a huge step!  He only needed to stay until the tutor left after lunch.  If he wanted to he could stay until they closed at 2:00.  I went to check on him after lunch and he said he wanted to stay for the rest of the day!  He even spoke to his tutor!  He did that last year but it was through his bedroom door.  He’s making so much progress.  I’m so proud of him!  Now we’ll see how he does meeting the Attendance Counsellor at the school.

Just had to tell you all my good news.  I’ve been waiting for this for a long time.  All through last year.  I’ll let you know how it goes with the Attendance Counsellor.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

Update for November 14th

Yesterday, I bought myself a new winter hat.  As I was leaving the Peer Support Centre to go home, I threw my new hat on.  Everyone laughed and told me that I’d forgotten to take the tag off my hat.  They said I looked like Minnie Pearl.  I laughed along with them.  I’ve certainly come a long way!  Years ago, I would’ve felt stupid and it would’ve bothered me for the rest of the day.  Instead, I just thought, “I do look like Minnie Pearl!”  For those of you who don’t know, Minnie Pearl used to be on the TV show “Hee Haw”  She always wore a hat with the price tag still on it.

In other news, my son was supposed to go to school last Thursday for half an hour.  He didn’t go.  He said that he needed more time to “psyche himself up.”  I know exactly what he means.  I need to psyche myself up for stuff all the time.  I hope he can go someday soon, just for half an hour.  That would be such a huge step for him!  He’s still doing very well considering.  Except that he hasn’t done any work in his anxiety workbook that the Attendance Counsellor left him.  I have to get him to do some tonight for sure.  She’s coming tomorrow.  If he doesn’t start doing the work, he’s never gonna get better.  He’ll be living with us until he’s 40!  He needs to get out there with friends his own age.  I know he can do it.  I try to set a good example by going to the Peer Support Centre and doing stuff that’s hard for me, like giving a presentation on recovering from BPD.

I wish my husband could get over his social anxiety.  I also suffer but I’ve worked very hard through years of therapy to get over it somewhat.  I still suffer but not as badly as I used to.

We got some bad news the other night.  I’ll share it another time.

I’ve enjoyed hanging out with my parents and sister and my brother-in-law lately.  My sister is becoming a great supporter of mine.  I’m very grateful for her being there for me.

That’s all for now.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

Update on My Son for November 3rd

My son has severe social anxiety.  He hasn’t gone to school for over a year.  He had a tutor last year that he talked to through his bedroom door.  He has a friend that he used to hang out with all the time.  They hadn’t seen each other for quite a while.  We set up a meeting this morning with the teacher at a special program for kids who can’t make it to regular high school.  Many of them have social anxiety as well.  The Attendance Counsellor was supposed to be there as well as my son’s friend.  I was wondering if my son would actually go or be too nervous.  I was really hoping things would work out for him.

Well, he actually went!  I’m so glad!  He didn’t look either the teacher or the Attendance Counsellor in they eye, or speak to them, but he did nod a few times.  I spoke for him.  He’s set up another time next week to go back and check out the school some more, and meet with his friend again.  He wants to start attending this program within the next couple of weeks so that he can hang out with his friend.  It would be so good for him.  The teacher has to assess what his reading level is and stuff like that, but that’s not too big a deal.  He’ll eventually have to speak to the teacher but it’ll happen when he’s ready.

He’s been hanging out at home without any friends for so long.  He needs to hang out with someone other than just Mom and Dad.  They’ve exchanged phone numbers so that they can text each other and ask to hang out.  I’m not sure what they’re gonna do next week.  My son likes to go for long walks, so they might do that.  They might play video games.  Whatever it is, it’ll be good for him.

Just had to let you all know my good news.  I’ve been waiting so long for this.  I’ll let you know how next week goes.

Till next time,

— Joyce.

A Late March Update

My son just turned 15.  His grandmother came over and he opened some presents.  He got mostly what he wanted – some DVDs and some gift cards and candy.

My husband and I celebrated our 20th anniversary.  We had a very quiet day.  He got me a teddy bear and some chocolates.  For our 25th, we’ll have to try to get away somewhere for a few days.  We’ll have to start saving up for it starting now, as soon as I can actually save a few bucks.  Still working on paying off my credit cards.

This blog is now four years old.  I just got a notification from WordPress telling me the other day.  Wow!  Four years.  I can tell a difference in myself from when I first started blogging.  My relationship with my mother-in-law was not very good at the time.  She was living with us and she didn’t understand my Borderline Personality Disorder.  We had a few good talks and she understands me a lot better now.  We get along great.  She is just like a second mother to me.  She has since remarried and moved out but we keep in touch often by phone and sometimes with visits.

I am thinking of possibly starting my BPD Group up again in May.  I’ll have to think of some materials to prepare for it.  I have a few ideas already.  I’ll have to schedule it around my son’s tutoring, which is going well.  He’s come into the hallway when she goes to the front door to put her boots on and waves to her.  All she can see is his hands, then his foot.  Next time, he’ll have to show her both his hands and feet.  That’ll be something to see!

My sister came over on Monday for our monthly sisters day together.  We had fun playing cards and goofing off on the computer.  My grandson turned one year old on Monday.  I haven’t heard from my daughter for a week.  I hope her and my grandson are doing okay.  My grandson is getting adopted.  It’s probably the best thing.  My daughter and her boyfriend are not ready to be parents right now.  They’re couch surfing and have no money.  I wish things would get better for them.  But they have to reach out for help.  There is help out there if you are willing to take it.  I keep telling my daughter to talk to a counsellor because they can hook you up with different agencies to help you but she just won’t for some reason.  She’d rather just ask my husband and I for money, which we don’t have.

Sorry for complaining but I just needed to let that all out.  I thought I would update you on how my life is going right now.  I’ll have some more news coming soon.  Till then,

— Joyce.

An Overdue Update on My Son and My Anniversary Is Coming Up

My son is turning 15 this Sunday.  He is supposed to be in Grade 9.  He hasn’t attended school at all this year.  He has anxiety and social anxiety really bad.  He has a tutor that has started coming twice a week last month.  He doesn’t actually see her.  He talks to her through his bedroom door.  He can’t even look her in the eyes for two seconds.  It’s that bad.  He has started medication but it doesn’t seem to be doing anything for him.  I wish he would start getting better.  We’re hoping that he can take some baby steps towards actually meeting his tutor.  She’s really good with him, very patient.

My anniversary is the day after our son’s birthday.  My husband and I will be married for twenty years this Monday!  Wow!  I can hardly believe it’s been that long.  It’s been very rocky at times, but we’ve made it through.  For the last few months, our marriage has been stronger than it has ever been before.  We are talking and communicating more, and I’m feeling more comfortable with myself than I ever have.

I’ll update you on how things go with my son’s tutoring, and his birthday and our anniversary.  Thanks for reading!  Till next time,

— Joyce.

A Presentation and A Health Scare

Yesterday, I did a presentation on Borderline Personality Disorder at one of the out-of-town centres.  Only a couple of people from the out-of-town centre took part.  Other than them, there was me, my Peer Support worker and a friend who goes to my in-town BPD group.  I was a little disappointed at the small turnout.  They said that their Team Lead was off so they didn’t know about us coming to do a presentation that day.  They marked on the calendar for next month that we’re doing a BPD Group there on the 25th of May.  Hopefully, if it’s on their calendar, more people will show up next time.

In other news, my son started having chest pains last night while watching TV.  We called the ambulance and I went to the hospital with him.  His dad and grandmother met us there.  We got there around 7:30 and saw the doctor around 10:00.  They want him to wear a halter monitor for 24 hours next week so they can check his heart.  They think that there’s nothing to worry about.  He’s gotten the odd chest pains over the years but not too bad and they usually go away within a couple of minutes.  This lasted for about ten minutes.  His lips were pale, he was sweaty.  I’m glad they think there’s nothing to worry about.  I’ll be even more glad when we get the results from the halter monitor though.

I saw my daughter for a few minutes today.  She was in town and stopped in to say “hi”.  The baby is 5 lbs. now.  He should be coming home soon.  They got a stroller and a few other things for him today.

That’s all for now.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

A Birthday and an Anniversary

Saturday was our son’s birthday.  He turned 14.  His grandmother came over and we watched him open his presents.  He got a video game and some movies about superheroes (just what he wanted), and some candy and a few other things.  Then he went out with Grandma for a little bit.  He likes to go out with her for a drive.  We ordered take-out for supper and had some birthday cupcakes.

Yesterday was my anniversary.  My husband and I have been married for 19 years.  Wow!  It’s been rocky at times but we’ve made it this far.  Last night, we watched a movie together.  We haven’t done that in ages.

Thanks for reading!  I hope everyone has a great day today.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

Our Truant Son!

Our son has been staying home from school a lot this year, and it’s only the beginning of the school year!  He has trouble getting up in the morning.  He says that it’s not technology that’s keeping him awake, but I beg to differ.  I’ve tried taking away his iPod but he just grabbed it back again and said that that’s not what’s been keeping him up.  He watches TV until late at night.  We’ve tried grounding him and that doesn’t work.  I don’t know what to do with him anymore.  He’s starting to turn out like his sister only worse.  She dropped out of school in Grade 9.  He’s only in Grade 8.

We don’t want to get in trouble from the school for not sending him.  We’ve even tried (not this year) sending him with his Grandma a little bit late.  Better late than never, right?  We figured he’s not staying home all day.  He can still get there just a little bit late.  We haven’t done that this year.  We can’t even get him out of bed.  Teenagers!

Just needed to let this out.  Thanks again for listening.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

Apology Accepted

My son just apologized for raising his voice to me earlier.  He said he was hungry.  Everything is worse when you haven’t slept or taken your meds.  I hope tomorrow is better!

— Joyce

Sick and Tired Mother and Son!

My son has been home from school with a bad cold for the last week straight.  He keeps raising his voice to me today.  It’s really getting on my nerves.  It doesn’t help that I ran out of my meds yesterday and that I didn’t sleep last night.  I hope he feels better soon, for both our sakes.  If he doesn’t start feeling better soon, I might have to take him to the doctor.  He really doesn’t want to go, but he might need to.

So tired!!!!!!

My Mother-In-Law’s Remarried and My Son Started Grade 8 Today!

My mother-in-law just got remarried on Saturday.  It was a really nice ceremony.  My husband and kids didn’t go.  I was the only one in our family who went.  My husband didn’t go because of his social anxiety/agoraphobia.  He really wanted to go.  My son just didn’t want to go.  Our daughter didn’t go because she wasn’t invited.  My mother-in-law didn’t want her to go.  She gets so stressed out by her.  Always bugging her for money and favours.  She’s away on her honeymoon right now, but will be back in a couple of days.

Speaking of my daughter, she’s been dropping by our house and the Peer Support Centre asking me for money.  When I tell her we don’t have any, she stomps out of the house, uttering a few choice words, then slams the door.  Tonight she came by but she was actually nice.  She didn’t ask for money.  Probably because she knew we didn’t have any right now.  She called and asked if her and her boyfriend could grab a few snacks for tonight because they’d probably be walking the streets all night, like they have for the last few nights.  I told her they could.  She came a short while later and grabbed their snacks then left, fairly politely.  She wanted to borrow a few smokes from my husband but he said “No.”  She called him an a$$hole about a month ago and he still hasn’t forgotten it or forgave her.  He doesn’t even want to see her or talk to her.

I think part of my perfectionism problem regarding the housework is my black-and-white thinking.  I want to either do it perfectly or not at all.  It’s like “What’s the point if I don’t do it correctly?”  For example, I’d really like to organize my freezer.  I’d like to have it all organized by type of food and label the shelves.

My son started Grade 8 today.  He didn’t have the best first day.  The principal said something that upset him.  I hope he has a better day tomorrow.  We didn’t get a chance to go for our usual bike ride tonight.  Maybe tomorrow.  Thanks for tuning in!  Tune in again next time,

— Joyce.

A Reluctant Walk and An Unwanted Present

My son wanted me to go for a walk with him this evening.  I was lying down.  For some reason, I was totally exhausted.  I didn’t even do anything today to be exhausted for.  I really didn’t feel up to going for a walk but I did want to go with him.  So I used the DBT skill of Acting Opposite To Your Emotion and dragged myself out of bed and went for a walk with him for a few minutes.  He wasn’t feeling well, so we had to come right back home but at least I did it.  I went for a walk, and I’m so glad I did.

On a different note, my daughter gave me a present.  Head lice!  My husband helped me wash it with some lice shampoo today.  It feels so much better.  My head was so itchy and raw.  I thought that we were done with that years ago.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend.  Till we meet again,

– Joyce.

Midnight Pie and My Son’s Birthday Today!

While I was asleep last night, our daughter came home, ate the last piece of pie, left the light on in my office then left.  I guess it was around 12:30.  I don’t know how long she stayed.  She probably tried to use the computer, but I put a lock on it so that she couldn’t use it after midnight.  I’ll bet that pissed her off!  But we have rules around here.  She’d be on the computer all night and sleep here all day if we let her.  She needs to do some schoolwork.  I don’t know the last time she did any.

Today’s my son’s birthday.  He’s 13 years old today.  Wow!  Now we have two teenagers.  I’m coming home early today to make sure I’m here when he gets home from school.  I hope he enjoys his birthday.  I wonder if our daughter will show up?  If she does, he’ll probably spend the day in his room with the door shut, playing on his iPod like he usually does.  Please let him have a good birthday today!

– Joyce.

Our Son’s Birthday and Our Daughter’s Apartment Problem

Our daughter has stayed with us for about a week and a half.  She didn’t come back last night.  I met her at the Peer Support Centre today.  She’s supposed to be staying in another apartment with a couple of friends…male friends…of her “boyfriend”s…who are 21 and the other one’s in his thirties or about 40…one of whom came onto her.  I don’t know if she stayed there last night or not.  She didn’t talk about it.  She’s already given them some money so that she can stay at their place and sleep on their sofa for the month.  She said it feels too awkward staying there.  Maybe she should just get her money back and stay here until she can find another place to stay.  I think she’s put her name in for social housing.  There’s usually a waiting list for about 5 years until you get a place through them, but she might get her name put on priority.

I don’t know if she’s gonna show up at our door tonight or not.  She says she never knows what she’s doing.  We’d kind of like to know.  It gets on our nerves so bad wondering all the time where she is and what she’s up to and with whom.  Kids!  They drive you crazy.

It’s our son’s birthday in a couple of days.  He’ll be thirteen.  Wow, we’ll have two teenagers then.  Yay!  At least he seems more level-headed than our daughter.  Except that he seems to have a bit of OCD.  We’ll have to try and get him help for that.  Whenever his sister is around, he stays in his room with the door shut until she leaves, as much as possible.  I don’t totally blame him.  She’s lost control before and charged at him, scaring him, when she was having an emotional outburst.  I wish everybody could just get along.  I wish things would work out for our daughter.  I wish I had the energy to deal with all of this better.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings once again.  Till next time,

– Joyce.

My Tired, Truant Son

My son has missed three days of school out of four days this week so far.  He keeps saying he’s too tired to get up in the morning.  We try to get him to go to bed earlier but it’s always the same thing, all this week, except Tuesday.  He told his dad that he’s being teased but that it doesn’t bother him that much, that it’s just that he’s too tired to get up for school in the morning.  I don’t like where this is going.  His sister dropped out of school halfway through Grade 9.  She’s supposed to be in Grade 12 now, but she doesn’t go to school.  Because of anxiety, she claims.  My husband never finished his education.  He’s afraid of our son turning out the same as him.  He’s always been so good about going to school until now.  I called the school and waited all day for a call from the principal, who just phoned and said that if he doesn’t go in the morning they can have the attendance counsellor come over and get him to school.  That’s the only thing that I can think of.  I hope it works.  Wish me luck,

– Joyce.

Apology Accepted

My daughter and her boyfriend just came over.  She actually apologized for getting upset with me earlier.  That’s a first!  She grabbed a snack, then a few for the road, then left.  A staff member from the Peer Support Centre said that maybe we should invite them for Thanksgiving Dinner.  I ran it by my husband.  He didn’t seem too enthused by the idea.  I wouldn’t mind it.  At least they’d sit at the table with me and not just take off like everybody else around here.  My mother-in-law said she’d be busy on Monday (Thanksgiving), and probably won’t be here.  She’ll have to eat with us on Tuesday instead maybe.  Why does everything have to be so complicated?

Our son’s not feeling well.  He has a sore throat.  I hope he’s not coming down with something.  It’s just about that time of year, though.  He wants ice cream.  I suggested Freezies but he doesn’t want one.  I should go grab some ice cream for him.  Talk to everyone later,

– Joyce.

Counselling Now Bi-Weekly

I saw my counsellor today.  I had a good appointment with her.  I’ll only be seeing her every other week for the next six months, then see how things are going.  Unless something comes up and I need to see her every week for a while.

I’m really worried about my son.  He’s 12 years old and he’s too shy to go to the store and pick up something for me.  It would be really nice if he could do errands like that for me sometimes.  I used to do that for my parents when I was his age.  He needs to get over his shyness a bit.  I even offered to go with him last night but he wouldn’t do it.  He just shouted “NO!” at me.  It would be really good if his dad could take him.  He has social anxiety really bad too and never goes anywhere.  It’s so hard dealing with all this every day.  I have my own mental problems to deal with.  I suffer from shyness and social anxiety too.  But I’m doing something about it.  I wish they would!

I don’t know what I’m gonna do about my daughter asking for money all the time.  I wish they’d approve her for Welfare.  We can’t afford to keep giving her money for takeout and smokes and stuff when she’s not even living here anymore.  I’ve given her gift cards for the grocery store but she keeps asking for cash.  Yesterday, I hadn’t slept the night before and was too exhausted to fight with her about it.  She showed up at the Peer Support Centre with her boyfriend and asked for money.  I said no.  She asked a few more times.  I kept saying no.  Finally, they left.  Success!  Or so I thought.  They came back later and she had me all confused, so I ended up just giving her a few bucks.

Till next time,

– Joyce.

Things Are Getting To Me Even Worse!

Last night, my husband told our daughter that her boyfriend couldn’t spend the night here.  She said that if he couldn’t then she wouldn’t either.  I have no idea where they stayed last night, or where they’re staying tonight.  Is she walking the streets all night?  Sleeping on a park bench?  Or did they find somewhere to stay?

I spent the day at my parents’ house visiting them and my sister.  I had a great day and forgot about things for a little bit.  We had a barbecue for lunch and corn-on-the-cob for supper.  Yum!  I showed my sister how to do some stuff on the computer.  I think she really appreciated it.  I let her copy some of my songs onto her laptop.

When I got home, I asked my son how his day went.  He had fun skateboarding as usual.  I got him a bedtime snack.  (Ice cream!)

I asked my husband how his day went.  He said it was just like any other day.  Then he said something nice and I felt like crying because I thought he’d be upset with me and he wasn’t.  I know that doesn’t make any sense, but that’s how I feel.  Everything is still getting to me.  Thank God the Peer Support Centre is open tomorrow.  I really need to talk to somebody.  I see my counsellor on Wednesday.  I wish this situation with my daughter would improve.  I don’t know if my husband remembers what he said the other day or not.  I’ve been thinking about it all last night and today.  I could hardly sleep last night.  I kept waking up every couple of hours.

I hope they let my daughter get on Welfare.  Then they’ll have their own money and a place to stay and we won’t have to worry about them either staying here or on the streets.  Thanks for listening to my rambling again!

– Joyce

It feels like everything is falling apart.

My daughter and I went to the Welfare office yesterday.  I don’t know if they’re going to let her get on it or not.  Her and her boyfriend showed up here at midnight last night saying they had nowhere else to stay.  We told them that they could stay here and that he could sleep on the couch.  He didn’t.

They came back today and said that they couldn’t stay with their friend they were staying with, because their friend was away.  So they’re planning on staying here again tonight.  My husband doesn’t want them to.  I’m not feeling the best.  My husband and I had a talk yesterday and tonight he said something about our relationship that really hurt.  I wish things could get better.  I still feel like crying.  I don’t know how much more of this I can take.  Everything is so hard right now.  At least I had fun playing with my son today.  We drew pictures and guessed what they were.  I watched him skateboard for a bit.

It feels like everything is falling apart.

– Joyce.

Letting Myself Enjoy Life

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I enjoyed watching my son practicing his skateboard tricks in the driveway tonight.  I don’t usually let myself enjoy things like that.  I don’t know why.  It felt so nice for a change.  Usually all I can think of is “I just wanna go inside and go on the computer.”  I count the minutes until I can go in.  But it wasn’t like that tonight.  He usually gets upset because he’s not doing as well as he’d like, so he throws his skateboard around, yells and swears.  There was none of that tonight.  I told him how much I enjoyed watching him tonight.  He was happy about that.  Me too.

Till next time,

– Joyce.