A Late March Update

My son just turned 15.  His grandmother came over and he opened some presents.  He got mostly what he wanted – some DVDs and some gift cards and candy.

My husband and I celebrated our 20th anniversary.  We had a very quiet day.  He got me a teddy bear and some chocolates.  For our 25th, we’ll have to try to get away somewhere for a few days.  We’ll have to start saving up for it starting now, as soon as I can actually save a few bucks.  Still working on paying off my credit cards.

This blog is now four years old.  I just got a notification from WordPress telling me the other day.  Wow!  Four years.  I can tell a difference in myself from when I first started blogging.  My relationship with my mother-in-law was not very good at the time.  She was living with us and she didn’t understand my Borderline Personality Disorder.  We had a few good talks and she understands me a lot better now.  We get along great.  She is just like a second mother to me.  She has since remarried and moved out but we keep in touch often by phone and sometimes with visits.

I am thinking of possibly starting my BPD Group up again in May.  I’ll have to think of some materials to prepare for it.  I have a few ideas already.  I’ll have to schedule it around my son’s tutoring, which is going well.  He’s come into the hallway when she goes to the front door to put her boots on and waves to her.  All she can see is his hands, then his foot.  Next time, he’ll have to show her both his hands and feet.  That’ll be something to see!

My sister came over on Monday for our monthly sisters day together.  We had fun playing cards and goofing off on the computer.  My grandson turned one year old on Monday.  I haven’t heard from my daughter for a week.  I hope her and my grandson are doing okay.  My grandson is getting adopted.  It’s probably the best thing.  My daughter and her boyfriend are not ready to be parents right now.  They’re couch surfing and have no money.  I wish things would get better for them.  But they have to reach out for help.  There is help out there if you are willing to take it.  I keep telling my daughter to talk to a counsellor because they can hook you up with different agencies to help you but she just won’t for some reason.  She’d rather just ask my husband and I for money, which we don’t have.

Sorry for complaining but I just needed to let that all out.  I thought I would update you on how my life is going right now.  I’ll have some more news coming soon.  Till then,

— Joyce.

An Overdue Update on My Son and My Anniversary Is Coming Up

My son is turning 15 this Sunday.  He is supposed to be in Grade 9.  He hasn’t attended school at all this year.  He has anxiety and social anxiety really bad.  He has a tutor that has started coming twice a week last month.  He doesn’t actually see her.  He talks to her through his bedroom door.  He can’t even look her in the eyes for two seconds.  It’s that bad.  He has started medication but it doesn’t seem to be doing anything for him.  I wish he would start getting better.  We’re hoping that he can take some baby steps towards actually meeting his tutor.  She’s really good with him, very patient.

My anniversary is the day after our son’s birthday.  My husband and I will be married for twenty years this Monday!  Wow!  I can hardly believe it’s been that long.  It’s been very rocky at times, but we’ve made it through.  For the last few months, our marriage has been stronger than it has ever been before.  We are talking and communicating more, and I’m feeling more comfortable with myself than I ever have.

I’ll update you on how things go with my son’s tutoring, and his birthday and our anniversary.  Thanks for reading!  Till next time,

— Joyce.

A Presentation and A Health Scare

Yesterday, I did a presentation on Borderline Personality Disorder at one of the out-of-town centres.  Only a couple of people from the out-of-town centre took part.  Other than them, there was me, my Peer Support worker and a friend who goes to my in-town BPD group.  I was a little disappointed at the small turnout.  They said that their Team Lead was off so they didn’t know about us coming to do a presentation that day.  They marked on the calendar for next month that we’re doing a BPD Group there on the 25th of May.  Hopefully, if it’s on their calendar, more people will show up next time.

In other news, my son started having chest pains last night while watching TV.  We called the ambulance and I went to the hospital with him.  His dad and grandmother met us there.  We got there around 7:30 and saw the doctor around 10:00.  They want him to wear a halter monitor for 24 hours next week so they can check his heart.  They think that there’s nothing to worry about.  He’s gotten the odd chest pains over the years but not too bad and they usually go away within a couple of minutes.  This lasted for about ten minutes.  His lips were pale, he was sweaty.  I’m glad they think there’s nothing to worry about.  I’ll be even more glad when we get the results from the halter monitor though.

I saw my daughter for a few minutes today.  She was in town and stopped in to say “hi”.  The baby is 5 lbs. now.  He should be coming home soon.  They got a stroller and a few other things for him today.

That’s all for now.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

A Birthday and an Anniversary

Saturday was our son’s birthday.  He turned 14.  His grandmother came over and we watched him open his presents.  He got a video game and some movies about superheroes (just what he wanted), and some candy and a few other things.  Then he went out with Grandma for a little bit.  He likes to go out with her for a drive.  We ordered take-out for supper and had some birthday cupcakes.

Yesterday was my anniversary.  My husband and I have been married for 19 years.  Wow!  It’s been rocky at times but we’ve made it this far.  Last night, we watched a movie together.  We haven’t done that in ages.

Thanks for reading!  I hope everyone has a great day today.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

Our Truant Son!

Our son has been staying home from school a lot this year, and it’s only the beginning of the school year!  He has trouble getting up in the morning.  He says that it’s not technology that’s keeping him awake, but I beg to differ.  I’ve tried taking away his iPod but he just grabbed it back again and said that that’s not what’s been keeping him up.  He watches TV until late at night.  We’ve tried grounding him and that doesn’t work.  I don’t know what to do with him anymore.  He’s starting to turn out like his sister only worse.  She dropped out of school in Grade 9.  He’s only in Grade 8.

We don’t want to get in trouble from the school for not sending him.  We’ve even tried (not this year) sending him with his Grandma a little bit late.  Better late than never, right?  We figured he’s not staying home all day.  He can still get there just a little bit late.  We haven’t done that this year.  We can’t even get him out of bed.  Teenagers!

Just needed to let this out.  Thanks again for listening.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

Apology Accepted

My son just apologized for raising his voice to me earlier.  He said he was hungry.  Everything is worse when you haven’t slept or taken your meds.  I hope tomorrow is better!

— Joyce

Sick and Tired Mother and Son!

My son has been home from school with a bad cold for the last week straight.  He keeps raising his voice to me today.  It’s really getting on my nerves.  It doesn’t help that I ran out of my meds yesterday and that I didn’t sleep last night.  I hope he feels better soon, for both our sakes.  If he doesn’t start feeling better soon, I might have to take him to the doctor.  He really doesn’t want to go, but he might need to.

So tired!!!!!!

My Mother-In-Law’s Remarried and My Son Started Grade 8 Today!

My mother-in-law just got remarried on Saturday.  It was a really nice ceremony.  My husband and kids didn’t go.  I was the only one in our family who went.  My husband didn’t go because of his social anxiety/agoraphobia.  He really wanted to go.  My son just didn’t want to go.  Our daughter didn’t go because she wasn’t invited.  My mother-in-law didn’t want her to go.  She gets so stressed out by her.  Always bugging her for money and favours.  She’s away on her honeymoon right now, but will be back in a couple of days.

Speaking of my daughter, she’s been dropping by our house and the Peer Support Centre asking me for money.  When I tell her we don’t have any, she stomps out of the house, uttering a few choice words, then slams the door.  Tonight she came by but she was actually nice.  She didn’t ask for money.  Probably because she knew we didn’t have any right now.  She called and asked if her and her boyfriend could grab a few snacks for tonight because they’d probably be walking the streets all night, like they have for the last few nights.  I told her they could.  She came a short while later and grabbed their snacks then left, fairly politely.  She wanted to borrow a few smokes from my husband but he said “No.”  She called him an a$$hole about a month ago and he still hasn’t forgotten it or forgave her.  He doesn’t even want to see her or talk to her.

I think part of my perfectionism problem regarding the housework is my black-and-white thinking.  I want to either do it perfectly or not at all.  It’s like “What’s the point if I don’t do it correctly?”  For example, I’d really like to organize my freezer.  I’d like to have it all organized by type of food and label the shelves.

My son started Grade 8 today.  He didn’t have the best first day.  The principal said something that upset him.  I hope he has a better day tomorrow.  We didn’t get a chance to go for our usual bike ride tonight.  Maybe tomorrow.  Thanks for tuning in!  Tune in again next time,

— Joyce.

A Reluctant Walk and An Unwanted Present

My son wanted me to go for a walk with him this evening.  I was lying down.  For some reason, I was totally exhausted.  I didn’t even do anything today to be exhausted for.  I really didn’t feel up to going for a walk but I did want to go with him.  So I used the DBT skill of Acting Opposite To Your Emotion and dragged myself out of bed and went for a walk with him for a few minutes.  He wasn’t feeling well, so we had to come right back home but at least I did it.  I went for a walk, and I’m so glad I did.

On a different note, my daughter gave me a present.  Head lice!  My husband helped me wash it with some lice shampoo today.  It feels so much better.  My head was so itchy and raw.  I thought that we were done with that years ago.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend.  Till we meet again,

– Joyce.

Midnight Pie and My Son’s Birthday Today!

While I was asleep last night, our daughter came home, ate the last piece of pie, left the light on in my office then left.  I guess it was around 12:30.  I don’t know how long she stayed.  She probably tried to use the computer, but I put a lock on it so that she couldn’t use it after midnight.  I’ll bet that pissed her off!  But we have rules around here.  She’d be on the computer all night and sleep here all day if we let her.  She needs to do some schoolwork.  I don’t know the last time she did any.

Today’s my son’s birthday.  He’s 13 years old today.  Wow!  Now we have two teenagers.  I’m coming home early today to make sure I’m here when he gets home from school.  I hope he enjoys his birthday.  I wonder if our daughter will show up?  If she does, he’ll probably spend the day in his room with the door shut, playing on his iPod like he usually does.  Please let him have a good birthday today!

– Joyce.

Our Son’s Birthday and Our Daughter’s Apartment Problem

Our daughter has stayed with us for about a week and a half.  She didn’t come back last night.  I met her at the Peer Support Centre today.  She’s supposed to be staying in another apartment with a couple of friends…male friends…of her “boyfriend”s…who are 21 and the other one’s in his thirties or about 40…one of whom came onto her.  I don’t know if she stayed there last night or not.  She didn’t talk about it.  She’s already given them some money so that she can stay at their place and sleep on their sofa for the month.  She said it feels too awkward staying there.  Maybe she should just get her money back and stay here until she can find another place to stay.  I think she’s put her name in for social housing.  There’s usually a waiting list for about 5 years until you get a place through them, but she might get her name put on priority.

I don’t know if she’s gonna show up at our door tonight or not.  She says she never knows what she’s doing.  We’d kind of like to know.  It gets on our nerves so bad wondering all the time where she is and what she’s up to and with whom.  Kids!  They drive you crazy.

It’s our son’s birthday in a couple of days.  He’ll be thirteen.  Wow, we’ll have two teenagers then.  Yay!  At least he seems more level-headed than our daughter.  Except that he seems to have a bit of OCD.  We’ll have to try and get him help for that.  Whenever his sister is around, he stays in his room with the door shut until she leaves, as much as possible.  I don’t totally blame him.  She’s lost control before and charged at him, scaring him, when she was having an emotional outburst.  I wish everybody could just get along.  I wish things would work out for our daughter.  I wish I had the energy to deal with all of this better.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings once again.  Till next time,

– Joyce.

My Tired, Truant Son

My son has missed three days of school out of four days this week so far.  He keeps saying he’s too tired to get up in the morning.  We try to get him to go to bed earlier but it’s always the same thing, all this week, except Tuesday.  He told his dad that he’s being teased but that it doesn’t bother him that much, that it’s just that he’s too tired to get up for school in the morning.  I don’t like where this is going.  His sister dropped out of school halfway through Grade 9.  She’s supposed to be in Grade 12 now, but she doesn’t go to school.  Because of anxiety, she claims.  My husband never finished his education.  He’s afraid of our son turning out the same as him.  He’s always been so good about going to school until now.  I called the school and waited all day for a call from the principal, who just phoned and said that if he doesn’t go in the morning they can have the attendance counsellor come over and get him to school.  That’s the only thing that I can think of.  I hope it works.  Wish me luck,

– Joyce.

Apology Accepted

My daughter and her boyfriend just came over.  She actually apologized for getting upset with me earlier.  That’s a first!  She grabbed a snack, then a few for the road, then left.  A staff member from the Peer Support Centre said that maybe we should invite them for Thanksgiving Dinner.  I ran it by my husband.  He didn’t seem too enthused by the idea.  I wouldn’t mind it.  At least they’d sit at the table with me and not just take off like everybody else around here.  My mother-in-law said she’d be busy on Monday (Thanksgiving), and probably won’t be here.  She’ll have to eat with us on Tuesday instead maybe.  Why does everything have to be so complicated?

Our son’s not feeling well.  He has a sore throat.  I hope he’s not coming down with something.  It’s just about that time of year, though.  He wants ice cream.  I suggested Freezies but he doesn’t want one.  I should go grab some ice cream for him.  Talk to everyone later,

– Joyce.

Counselling Now Bi-Weekly

I saw my counsellor today.  I had a good appointment with her.  I’ll only be seeing her every other week for the next six months, then see how things are going.  Unless something comes up and I need to see her every week for a while.

I’m really worried about my son.  He’s 12 years old and he’s too shy to go to the store and pick up something for me.  It would be really nice if he could do errands like that for me sometimes.  I used to do that for my parents when I was his age.  He needs to get over his shyness a bit.  I even offered to go with him last night but he wouldn’t do it.  He just shouted “NO!” at me.  It would be really good if his dad could take him.  He has social anxiety really bad too and never goes anywhere.  It’s so hard dealing with all this every day.  I have my own mental problems to deal with.  I suffer from shyness and social anxiety too.  But I’m doing something about it.  I wish they would!

I don’t know what I’m gonna do about my daughter asking for money all the time.  I wish they’d approve her for Welfare.  We can’t afford to keep giving her money for takeout and smokes and stuff when she’s not even living here anymore.  I’ve given her gift cards for the grocery store but she keeps asking for cash.  Yesterday, I hadn’t slept the night before and was too exhausted to fight with her about it.  She showed up at the Peer Support Centre with her boyfriend and asked for money.  I said no.  She asked a few more times.  I kept saying no.  Finally, they left.  Success!  Or so I thought.  They came back later and she had me all confused, so I ended up just giving her a few bucks.

Till next time,

– Joyce.

Things Are Getting To Me Even Worse!

Last night, my husband told our daughter that her boyfriend couldn’t spend the night here.  She said that if he couldn’t then she wouldn’t either.  I have no idea where they stayed last night, or where they’re staying tonight.  Is she walking the streets all night?  Sleeping on a park bench?  Or did they find somewhere to stay?

I spent the day at my parents’ house visiting them and my sister.  I had a great day and forgot about things for a little bit.  We had a barbecue for lunch and corn-on-the-cob for supper.  Yum!  I showed my sister how to do some stuff on the computer.  I think she really appreciated it.  I let her copy some of my songs onto her laptop.

When I got home, I asked my son how his day went.  He had fun skateboarding as usual.  I got him a bedtime snack.  (Ice cream!)

I asked my husband how his day went.  He said it was just like any other day.  Then he said something nice and I felt like crying because I thought he’d be upset with me and he wasn’t.  I know that doesn’t make any sense, but that’s how I feel.  Everything is still getting to me.  Thank God the Peer Support Centre is open tomorrow.  I really need to talk to somebody.  I see my counsellor on Wednesday.  I wish this situation with my daughter would improve.  I don’t know if my husband remembers what he said the other day or not.  I’ve been thinking about it all last night and today.  I could hardly sleep last night.  I kept waking up every couple of hours.

I hope they let my daughter get on Welfare.  Then they’ll have their own money and a place to stay and we won’t have to worry about them either staying here or on the streets.  Thanks for listening to my rambling again!

– Joyce

It feels like everything is falling apart.

My daughter and I went to the Welfare office yesterday.  I don’t know if they’re going to let her get on it or not.  Her and her boyfriend showed up here at midnight last night saying they had nowhere else to stay.  We told them that they could stay here and that he could sleep on the couch.  He didn’t.

They came back today and said that they couldn’t stay with their friend they were staying with, because their friend was away.  So they’re planning on staying here again tonight.  My husband doesn’t want them to.  I’m not feeling the best.  My husband and I had a talk yesterday and tonight he said something about our relationship that really hurt.  I wish things could get better.  I still feel like crying.  I don’t know how much more of this I can take.  Everything is so hard right now.  At least I had fun playing with my son today.  We drew pictures and guessed what they were.  I watched him skateboard for a bit.

It feels like everything is falling apart.

– Joyce.

Letting Myself Enjoy Life

Image courtesy of jscreationzs at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I enjoyed watching my son practicing his skateboard tricks in the driveway tonight.  I don’t usually let myself enjoy things like that.  I don’t know why.  It felt so nice for a change.  Usually all I can think of is “I just wanna go inside and go on the computer.”  I count the minutes until I can go in.  But it wasn’t like that tonight.  He usually gets upset because he’s not doing as well as he’d like, so he throws his skateboard around, yells and swears.  There was none of that tonight.  I told him how much I enjoyed watching him tonight.  He was happy about that.  Me too.

Till next time,

– Joyce.