My mom and dad’s neighbour is so nice. She took my sister to the hospital at 2 am a while ago when my dad had to go by ambulance. But something she did on Saturday really got to me BIG TIME.
My daughter and I ran into her at the store and got talking to her for a couple of minutes. My dad has inoperable cancer. She asked me how my dad was doing, and then she said, “Not so good, eh?” Then she told me how his stomach was bulging out from the cancer. I haven’t seen him for a couple of weeks. I don’t drive. My dad didn’t feel up to having company lately. He has his bad and not-so-bad days. His neighbour asked me, out of the blue, if my mom and sister were gonna move into town (after my dad passed away). I was so caught off guard, I was speechless for a moment, and then I said “I don’t know.” I tried to act as nonchalant as possible for my daughter, but inside I was anxious as hell. I’m kind of shaking right now just thinking about it. My hear is racing like a thoroughbred on steroids.
I try to distract myself as much as possible from the inevitable, by writing this blog and keeping my mind busy. My husband and mother-in-law think I should be doing other things, that “There’s more important stuff to do around here” like this is just some “cute little hobby”. What they don’t realize that this is keeping me as sane as possible under the circumstances. But then I do feel guilty, like I should be getting stuff done around here. I am so fatigued! I’ve been like this for years. I’ve had tests for everything, and they say it’s “just depression”. I wish I could have more energy to deal with this, and with life in general.