Tag Archives: overwhelmed

FEEL: How to Cope with Powerful Emotions (plus video) | Dr. Christina Hibbert


Powerful emotions can be scary. Grief, anger, sadness, pain, fear, can feel intense, overwhelming, and out of control…Instead of fearing these emotions, we must

Source: FEEL: How to Cope with Powerful Emotions (plus video) | Dr. Christina Hibbert

Here is the video mentioned in the article:

Feeling Overwhelmed!


The things that I usually find enjoyable – eg. checking out Facebook posts and blog posts, is very overwhelming for me right now.  I wish I could enjoy it.  It’s the only thing that makes me feel better usually.  That and blasting music on the headphones while playing games on the computer.  Which I did last night until about 5 am.  I woke up about 8 am.  I enjoy doing that but not for hours and hours in the middle of the night when I’d rather be sleeping.

Just needed to let this little rant out.  Thanks again for listening,

– Joyce.

Overwhelmed by Creativity


I’m feeling very overwhelmed right now.  There’s so much that I want to do, and I don’t have the money or the energy to do it all.  I have ideas for things I would like to create for my store and this blog but I don’t know where to start.  My brain just freezes.  If things weren’t so bad with our daughter wanting money all the time, it wouldn’t be quite so bad.  Then at least I could afford a few things for myself that I’d like to get.  I’d like to purchase some more books.

If only my body could keep up with my mind, I’d be at my ideal weight in no time!  Sometimes it feels like a hamster running in its little wheel, going nowhere.  Just going around and around and around…

I don’t know if this post makes sense today but I’m just letting it out.  I need a faster computer and internet connection, which costs money, which I don’t have.

I was looking back at my previous posts by searching the word “overwhelmed”.  A lot came up!  It was a lot different in some of my posts then than now.  A lot has changed, but a lot has stayed the same.  That didn’t make much sense, did it?

Back then, my mother-in-law didn’t understand my BPD and was invalidating me all the time.  We had a few talks and she understands me much better now.  We get along so much better now than we did back then!

Thanks for listening again.  Till next time,

– Joyce.

I Can’t Take Anymore!


I feel like I’m gonna have a nervous breakdown because of our daughter.  I’m so tired of everything.  I’m tired of being so broke.  I’m tired of trying to be strong all the time.  I wish my husband would try a little bit to get better.  He suffers from social anxiety.  So do I.  I’m trying to work on mine.  He never leaves the house.  I’d say he has agoraphobia.  I used to, years ago.  I worked very hard to overcome it.

My daughter asked me for money again tonight.  She said her stomach was bothering her.  I offered her something for it, but she said that she needed something specific that she could only get downtown.  She started fussing until I agreed to go to the corner store next door and get some money out of the bank machine to give her.  I offered her a few bucks, but it wasn’t enough.  She wanted more.

I feel like crying.  I’ve felt it coming for a long time – months.  I think I might start crying soon and not be able to stop.  She said they also needed soap and body wash and stuff.  I got a few things together for her, but she didn’t want them.  It’s so unfair!  I wish she’d get paid already!  Then she wouldn’t have to give me a nervous breakdown bugging us for money all the time.

I’ve tried so hard to help her out – telling her where they can get meals cheap or free (Peer Support Centre or Mission), offering to help her out with budgeting and making out shopping lists, etc.  But it’s never good enough.  I can’t take any more!  It’s been months of this!  I wish she’d go to the local Community Mental Health Centre and talk to a counselor there.  But she won’t do that.  They could hook her up with various organizations that could help them out.  But she won’t.  She’d rather give me a nervous breakdown.  I know I’m rambling but I can’t help it tonight.  I’ve had enough!  I really can’t take anymore.  I’m starting to hate my daughter.  I feel horrible saying that but the thought of seeing her fills me with dread.  What a rotten thing to say about my daughter, eh?

We’ve used almost all of our overdraft and we still have a few more days until we get our Baby Bonus.  As soon as we get it, half of it will go towards paying back our overdraft.  Then I have to pay the credit card companies.  With no money.  And buy groceries.  The only thing I use the one credit card for is mostly just for groceries.  Not anything frivolous.  I used to save our overdraft for emergencies only.  Now we don’t even have any money hardly.  We’ve already had our water shut off for a few hours until I called and paid the minimum to get it turned back on again.

Right now, I’m blasting music on my headphones and trying to make everything go away for a little while.  It’s sort of working for now.  I don’t know for how long though.  I’m feeling totally overwhelmed right now.  I’ll let you know how I’m feeling later.

Till then,

– Joyce.

The Agony of Being Emotionally Overwhelmed | The Emotionally Sensitive Person


The Agony of Being Emotionally Overwhelmed | The Emotionally Sensitive Person.

I HATE WINTER!


I HATE WINTER!  I hate it with a passion!  It’s my least favourite season of all.  I hate all the freezing to death, bundling up any time you want to go anywhere, the snowbanks, the ice, the wind chills, the blizzards, etc, etc.  I’ve been stuck in the house all week long because of this stupid weather.

I’m in such a rut.  I’m so out of shape, fatigued, depressed because I’m too out of shape to do anything.  Just thinking about things gets me so overwhelmed.  I’ve tried doing some different things to break out of this rut, and it’s not working.  I hate hearing the wind howling at the windows all the time, especially when I’m trying to sleep.  There’s another thing – sleep, what is that anyways?  Something that eludes me as much as possible every night.  Taunting me.  I get so overwhelmed by everything that I have to lay down for half of the afternoon.

I wish it was Spring.  Then at least I could enjoy going for a walk every day without freezing to death.  Maybe instead of concentrating on walking as much as possible this year, I should concentrate on toning up.  I’ve tried it a few times, but it’s just not working like it used to.

I’ve never been this out of shape in my entire life.  Not even when I was nine months pregnant with my son, almost twelve years ago.  I’m 5’2″ and I weigh about 195 lbs!  I hate it so much!

I usually try to keep this blog as positive as possible but I’m not feeling very positive at the moment.  I also try to keep it real.  These are my thoughts and feelings for months now.  I really needed to vent.  Can anyone relate?

Only two-and-a-half weeks until my birthday, but that’s another post.  Hope you had a good Christmas and that your winter is going better than mine,

– Joyce.

OVERWHELMED!


As someone with BPD, I am overwhelmed very easily.  It’s been an extremely difficult year for me.  I have DBT skills that I have learned what works for me.  I suffer from fatigue constantly.  I need much longer to complete tasks than most people – eg. housework.  My husband and mother-in-law do most of it.  I feel extremely guilty because of it.  This leads to depression.  My mother-in-law offers “advice” which doesn’t help.  All it does it make me feel worse.  I can’t just “snap out of it.”  I do the best I can, but I feel like it’s never good enough, like I’m never good enough.  I feel so totally invalidated all the time.  I wish they could understand but no one wants to talk about it.  My mother-in-law says that they’ve read all about it and “know all about it.”  What have they read about it?  Is it from a reliable source?  Or is it all misconceptions?  They know all about it?  Try living with it every day!

I haven’t really blogged in a long time because my daughter told my husband that “Mom’s writing all about us!”  I struggled with whether I should continue or just reblog others’ posts.  I really need an outlet where I can vent my feelings and not be invalidated or put down because of it.  I showed them this blog when I first created it because I thought it might help them understand BPD and me better.

I have so much inside me that’s been dying to come out.  I’m sure if it makes sense to anybody else or not.  Our brains are wired differently than most people’s.  But we are good enough the way we are, even though I can’t believe that right now.  It takes me a lot longer to process my feelings than people without the disorder.  If they interrupt that process, it takes even longer.  When it happens repeatedly, it’s extremely damaging to my self-esteem.  I feel like I have to have some alone time to distract myself from the overwhelming thoughts and feelings.  If I don’t get that, or am made to feel guilty for it, it leads to depression.

Almost every day, I go to the local Peer Support Center.  I attend several groups there.  I am trying so hard to better myself and spread awareness of BPD.  As soon as I get home, any good feelings I had earlier instantly disappear, replaced with dread and a feeling of impending doom, like I’m marching off to my death.  Other people would call this overreacting, but I’m sure many people would agree with me.  I feel it physically in my body.  My husband and mother-in-law think that housework is more important.  I think that my mental health is the most important thing, and that if they would stop invalidating me all the time, I would be so much better and could do the housework a little better.  Probably not at the pace that they would like, but at a pace which I am capable of.  To expect more than that from me is more devastating that they could possibly know.

My husband needs counselling as well but has had bad experiences with it in the past.  He says he’s “too old.”  I believe you’re never to old to get the help you need.  If I’m in pain, I’m going to get help as soon as possible!

Anyways, sorry for the rant.  Just tired of feeling so overwhelmed all the time.  Thanks to anyone who actually finished reading this!

– Joyce.

Post Themes


You may notice that sometimes my posts/reblogs have a certain theme to them, then I switch to another theme, then back to the first theme again.  Why do I do this?  Well, sometimes certain things get to me and I have to repost everything I see about it.  Then it may get too overwhelming/triggering and I may have to switch themes for a while, then go back to the original theme when I’m ready.  Does anyone else do this?  Just curious to know.

Battling BPD – Expatlog | Expatlog


Battling BPD – Expatlog | Expatlog.

Difficult Weekend and Week with Our Daughter


I’ve had a very difficult weekend with our daughter.  She had a temper tantrum because I wouldn’t give her any money.  She did her usual behaviours, which she hasn’t for a while.  Things were getting better – so I thought.  My nerves were very raw all day.  I cried my eyes out that  afternoon, and went for a quick walk.  I didn’t feel a lot better but I felt slightly better later.  I waited until I got tired enough that I could try going to sleep.  The next day was my DBT skills group.  I couldn’t wait to get out of here.  I went for a walk with my husband and son earlier that  evening.  I’m so out of shape!  I wish I wasn’t.

We’ve been having problems with her and money.  She keeps asking for money.  We give her some, then she asks for more.  We have to figure out an allowance for her.  We can’t really afford it.  We’ve tried in the past to be fair, and it hasn’t worked.  She always wants more, and used to throw a temper tantrum if we didn’t give it to her.

We’ve also had problems with her curfew.  She called us at 11:00 pm last night to say that she was staying at her friend’s for the night.  We’ve told her to call before then so that we don’t worry.  Then we heard banging on the door at 1:00 this morning.  It was her with a different friend.  They went to her room, giggling and talking loudly for a few minutes, then her friend left and our daughter stayed in her room.  Then I had to get our son up for school, who was grouchy as usual.  He just made it to the bus, as usual.

Life is so exhausting!