One of the symptoms of BPD that still affects me often is paranoid ideation. All through elementary and high school, I was made fun of every day. Now, whenever I see people looking my way and laughing and I can’t hear what they’re saying, I think they’re teasing me. I can usually talk myself out of it but sometimes I can’t. When that happens, I do some self-soothing by doing something like listening to music, and try to distract myself until the thoughts subside.
Does anyone have any suggestions for me? What do you do that helps you deal with paranoid thoughts? Please let me know in the Comments below. Thanks!
Till next time,
Posted in Editorials
My insomnia isn’t caused by just worrying about normal things such as bills, etc. Do you ever get thinking deep, existential weird and stupid thoughts? For example, I heard that when you’re asleep, you eat bugs. That was worrying me last night. I actually fell asleep, though. Sometimes I get thoughts in my head like that and I can’t sleep. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks thoughts like this. Please tell me I’m not alone in this!
Fluoxetine (Prozac), an SSRI (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
From “thedirtyho” blog:
- hypersensitive – incredibly attuned to very minor aspects of other people’s paralanguage
- “walking on eggshells”
- wondering if something innocuous you said is now being turned into a stick to beat themselves with
- believing that everyone else hates you as much as you hate yourself
- self-conscious and self-absorbed
- knowledge does not make it any easier to deal with
- did not make me feel suicidal as such, it stripped me of all emotions and left me an apathetic husk – for instance whilst I would not have stepped in front of a bus, if I was crossing the road and a bus was coming, I probably wouldn’t have bothered to get out of the way
- allow you to function at a basic level; you can make it out of bed, you can brush your teeth, you can go to work – you can pretend to be ‘normal’
- their purpose is more to quieten the internal voice of doubt and self-hatred
- a more damaging way of silencing these people is to strip them of their voice
- woeful ignorance about the debilitating effect depression has on people’s lives
All of these things are exactly what depression due to BPD feels like. We have been silenced of our voices. It affected us so badly that we need these medications before we are able to even think about therapy. We feel everything 10 times what “normal” people feel. We cannot just go for a walk or socialize more and be cured. Ignorance about the debilitating effect depression has on our lives is what encourages stigma, which is why people are afraid to go for help. They are afraid to be labeled as “crazy” because they might need medication. Even some therapists are reluctant to treat Borderlines, claiming they’re “resistant to therapy” It’s articles such as this that make us doubt ourselves, which we already doubt our judgement on everything. We think “I must just not be trying hard enough” even though we’re trying as hard as we possibly can and it’s not enough. We need Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, but first we need medication so that we can be able to even engage in therapy.
We need to tell our own stories, as people with these conditions who know what we’re talking about from experience. We need to erase misconceptions. Only then will sufferers no longer need to fear coming forward with their diagnoses and get the help they so desperately need, saving many lives in the process.
Posted in Editorials
Tagged "thedirtyho", "walking on eggshells", depression, Giles Fraser, hypersensitive, ignorance, medication, misconceptions, misinterpreted, over-analyzed, paranoia, rejection, stigma, The Guardian
Last Tuesday, I met with my counsellor and my mother-in-law to try to help her understand my BPD. We had a very good talk and I think she’s finally beginning to understand it a bit more. I tried to explain to her how she was unintentionally invalidating me constantly. She told me that she wasn’t saying anything bad to me. I explained to her that it doesn’t matter what she says or how she says it, that to someone with BPD, especially with me, it always feels like criticising and that I’m not good enough. She asked what she could do to make it better and I told her “nothing. Just do your own thing. You can’t make this go away. I’m the only one who can help me.” She got a look on her face like she finally “got it.” Also kind of sad for me.
My counsellor thought that I was very articulate, and told my mother-in-law that I’m doing everything I need to be doing to keep myself as well as I can be. I’m seeing both of them again this Tuesday. It’s good practice for me for running a group or presentation on BPD to educate people on the disorder. I’m learning more about myself every day.
I was so exhausted afterwards that I had to lay down for an hour. People don’t realize how exhausting it is for those of us with BPD just managing our emotions every day. It just comes to them naturally.
I’ll keep you posted on how it goes Tuesday. Till then,
Posted in Editorials
Tagged "I'm not good enough", anxiety, brain, DBT, distract, Empathy, exhaustion, fatigue, guilt, invalidation, mental health, misconceptions, misunderstood, mother-in-law, negative thoughts, overwhelmed, paranoia, sensitivity, stigma, symptoms, Validation
Debbie Corso from HealingFromBPD.org shares this video on saving yourself from unnecessary suffering through distorted thinking.
From BPD Central. This article describes the hallmarks of Borderline Personality Disorder, with some great examples to illustrate.