Lonely punished boy, inside a lost broken man.
Love hate, black white, blades of a rotating fan.
… Vulnerable, angry, impulsive child.
Compliant, detached, man gone wild.
Strong hands, dirty legs, memories turn demons in my head,
Whiskey breathe, broken plates, Never safe in my child bed.
A child drunk, crying for a tortured brother,
Drink to powder, tears for a screaming mother.
Child grows to man, never taught to be,
Past memories fade, lost in a dark sea.
A single blade bent, grass in the sun,
My worth in my head, a loaded gun.
A sound drifts across, someone’s fence,
My gaze on a door, it makes no sense.
A child in the distance, a horrible scream,
My sleepless night’s, now a waking dream.
An ember hisses, the end of my smoke,
My thoughts are lost, unforgivingly choke.
A lone fly lands, a forgotten sore.
Feet frozen still, minds dirty floor.
A loved one touches, cold numb arm,
The black dog patrols, nasty charm.
A broom sweeps slowly, a mess I made,
Self esteem melts, the suns hateful shade.
Just Leave me alone, I’m no longer home.
Please come back, so lonely in my dome.
I love you I hate you, I want my Mother.
Ugly and stupid, wanted by no other.
A slight breeze lands, a stroke to my face,
My confusion seduced, thoughts lost in space.
No respite now, a tormented soul,
A soul battered, empty black hole.
An army of ants weave, a broken mans madness,
My soul pulled deeper, silence of endless sadness.
A lone bird chirps, a sound unclear,
My time to decide, paralysed by fear.
A young woman talks, so kindly to me,
My anger blinds me, Kindness I don’t see.
A star sign talks, opportunities ahead,
My dreams nothing, simply dead.
Cold toilet patiently waits, I cannot give,
My pessimism reinforces, I do not live.
A bang comes, from deep within the house,
Courage shakes, a disease riddled mouse.
A cold sheet lays, naked ugly skin,
Sadness released, tears of his sin.
A car drives past, veins of speed,
Paranoia suffocates, solitude I need.
A gush of water, a crescendo of sound,
I search frantically, I can not be found.
For a moment I touch, a single hair.
Panic spirals now, utter despair.
Just Leave me alone, I’m no longer home.
Please come back, so lonely in my dome.
I love you I hate you, I want my Mother.
Ugly and stupid, wanted by no other
A shake that builds, an uncontrollable state,
Dogs breathe rancid, laying more bait.
A head that hurts, life time of pain,
Pacing in circles, lost in the rain.
A voice of concern, I have no feelings,
My eyes dart wildly, cold bedroom ceiling.
Always hopeless, I want it to end.
Perception distorted, decisions bend.
A stomach starved, a greedy dog,
Lungs suffocated, self loathing smog.
Light switches on, voices in my head,
My fear explodes, I crawl into bed.
I lay motionless, a beast on my chest,
The dog’s eyes watching, can i rest.
A storm of painful impulses, emotions untamed,
Denial a strong heartbeat, loved ones so blamed.
The dogs lingering smell, a burning nose,
Thoughts of time, people and place I chose.
A heart that pounds, an enteral ache,
A good man I know, I will never make.
Mood on a swing, lonely cold park.
Face a mask, feelings in the dark.
Worthless and defective, I’m to blame.
Running or screaming, a protective game.
Just Leave me alone, I’m no longer home.
Please come back, so lonely in my dome.
I love you I hate you, I want my Mother.
Ugly and stupid, wanted by no other.
I am my life’s lotus, destined to bloom,
From mud to sun, escaping the gloom.
This is not my own, it’s all our story,
To find oneself, your beautiful glory.
By Jason Carmichael.
Check out his FaceBook page here:
https://www.facebook.com/thelonelylotus?ref=stream&hc_location=stream
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