I Am The Shadow – A Poetry Video

Shared this last year.  Thought I’d share it again.  This is a video of a poem I wrote in 1990, before my diagnosis of BPD.  I think it describes really well what it felt like, and still does sometimes to live with this disorder.

Enjoy!

 

Shane Koyczan – Blueprint for a Breakthrough

Shane Koyczan and the Short Story Long perform his spoken poem “Blueprint for a Breakthrough”

My Friend, My Crutch

This picture was chosen by Cathy at Lonely Lotus:

 

*** Possible Trigger Warning***

Untitled Poem 2

This illustration was selected by my Facebook Friend Kate at Borderline Personality A Thousand Origami Cranes:

 

I Am The Shadow – Illustrated

This illustration was chosen by my Facebook Friend Cathy at  Lonely Lotus:

 

My Poetry Galleries

Please check out my galleries of my poems

 

on Pinterest here:  http://www.pinterest.com/BPDStigmaFree/my-poetry-gallery/

or on Facebook here:  https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.788465864502436.1073741846.627381243944233&type=3

 

Thank you,

– Joyce.

Poetry by Landon Capagli

I received this beautiful poem by Landon Capagli today:

 

Am I in the right place,
Wearing the right face?

Have I made the choice,
Spoken clearly,
In the right voice?

Am I portraying who I am,
Or who they want me to be?

Is this really what I want to do,
Do I even have the choice to chose?

Am I really doing this for myself,
Or just someone else?

Is it worth being miserable,
Just to feel successful?

Is making more,
Worth feeling less?

If I walk away,
Do I fail the test?

Is this really what is best?

I cannot stand this feeling,
That is sitting on my chest!

I am struggling with myself,
And no one else.

I’m calling out,
And in need of help.

I am at my end,
And I can no longer pretend.

This is my life! I have tried to compromise,
Rationalize, justify and even deny.

Who will win this battle going on inside?

The person I am,
Or the person they want me to be?

Is this just all my BPD?

Why has all of this had to happen to me?

Untitled Poem

I wrote this a few months ago:

I never feel like I am strong,
I never feel like I belong,
And everything I do is wrong,
Why can’t I just be normal?

– By Joyce Savage.

I Am The Shadow

I am the shadow,
I exist in a world of light,
Blending into the darkness of night.

My face you cannot see,
My expressions, sometimes misleading.

If you hear a whisper in the wind,
It may be me.

I am the shadow,
I exist in a world of sounds, good and bad.
Of laughter,
Crying,
Shouting,
Singing.

You think that I feel nothing,
No love,
No hate,
No anger,
No fear,
No pain.
But you are wrong.

You think that I do not cry,
But I weep silently.
You cannot see the tears that slide down my cheeks,
But they are there.

I am the shadow, you cannot touch,
Always within sight but never within reach.

I am the shadow, afraid to trust the light for it distorts me.
Please forgive me if I trick you,
I cannot control it.

I long to live in the light,
To be held and loved,
But I am only a silent shadow,
Watching but unable to take part in it all,
What others do, I can only dream of.

So I lurk in corners,
Ignored,
Misunderstood.
Always waiting for the night to come,
Always dying but never dead.

I am the shadow, I have no friends,
Even in a crowd, I’m all alone.
Existing in somber shades of gray,
A lonely shadow,
I’m doomed to stay.

– By Joyce Savage, 1990.

Here is a video of this poem:

To This Day by Shane Koyczan

https://makebpdstigmafree.wordpress.com/to-this-day-by-shane-koyczan/