Shared this last year. Thought I’d share it again. This is a video of a poem I wrote in 1990, before my diagnosis of BPD. I think it describes really well what it felt like, and still does sometimes to live with this disorder.
Enjoy!
Shared this last year. Thought I’d share it again. This is a video of a poem I wrote in 1990, before my diagnosis of BPD. I think it describes really well what it felt like, and still does sometimes to live with this disorder.
Enjoy!
Shane Koyczan and the Short Story Long perform his spoken poem “Blueprint for a Breakthrough”
This illustration was selected by my Facebook Friend Kate at Borderline Personality A Thousand Origami Cranes:
Please check out my galleries of my poems
on Pinterest here: http://www.pinterest.com/BPDStigmaFree/my-poetry-gallery/
or on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.788465864502436.1073741846.627381243944233&type=3
Thank you,
– Joyce.
I received this beautiful poem by Landon Capagli today:
Am I in the right place,
Wearing the right face?
Have I made the choice,
Spoken clearly,
In the right voice?
Am I portraying who I am,
Or who they want me to be?
Is this really what I want to do,
Do I even have the choice to chose?
Am I really doing this for myself,
Or just someone else?
Is it worth being miserable,
Just to feel successful?
Is making more,
Worth feeling less?
If I walk away,
Do I fail the test?
Is this really what is best?
I cannot stand this feeling,
That is sitting on my chest!
I am struggling with myself,
And no one else.
I’m calling out,
And in need of help.
I am at my end,
And I can no longer pretend.
This is my life! I have tried to compromise,
Rationalize, justify and even deny.
Who will win this battle going on inside?
The person I am,
Or the person they want me to be?
Is this just all my BPD?
Why has all of this had to happen to me?
I wrote this a few months ago:
I am the shadow,
I exist in a world of light,
Blending into the darkness of night.
My face you cannot see,
My expressions, sometimes misleading.
If you hear a whisper in the wind,
It may be me.
I am the shadow,
I exist in a world of sounds, good and bad.
Of laughter,
Crying,
Shouting,
Singing.
You think that I feel nothing,
No love,
No hate,
No anger,
No fear,
No pain.
But you are wrong.
You think that I do not cry,
But I weep silently.
You cannot see the tears that slide down my cheeks,
But they are there.
I am the shadow, you cannot touch,
Always within sight but never within reach.
I am the shadow, afraid to trust the light for it distorts me.
Please forgive me if I trick you,
I cannot control it.
I long to live in the light,
To be held and loved,
But I am only a silent shadow,
Watching but unable to take part in it all,
What others do, I can only dream of.
So I lurk in corners,
Ignored,
Misunderstood.
Always waiting for the night to come,
Always dying but never dead.
I am the shadow, I have no friends,
Even in a crowd, I’m all alone.
Existing in somber shades of gray,
A lonely shadow,
I’m doomed to stay.
– By Joyce Savage, 1990.
Here is a video of this poem:
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