What do you think of this study? Do you think there is any truth to it? Does income matter when it comes to sensitivity? Let us know in the Comments below:
Source: Sensitive genotypes yield disadvantage in poor families, but advantage in wealthier ones — ScienceDaily
Some simple cutout cookie cutters (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
We are not all exact cut-outs of each other. Everyone has their own unique individual personality. My mother-in-law keeps remarking about how our daughter and our son is so different, even though they were brought up exactly the same. But they are not the same people! She thinks that my brain works the same as hers, that I should do things the same way that she does, in the same time that she does, when she does, how she does. She thinks that what works for her when she’s kind of down or stressed out should work for me too. Sometimes it does, but not always. I took DBT several years ago and am more in touch with my emotions than I have ever been in my entire life. I know if something’s going to work for me or not. I appreciate her suggestions but if something was going to work for me, I’d be doing it. Obviously it doesn’t work.
For those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder, we are very different from other people. Our brains are wired totally differently. It can even be observed in brain scans. You can’t see it just by looking at us, therefore people have no idea how sensitive we are and don’t give us the compassion that we need. Instead, we get stigmatized and invalidated.
Just remember that you are not a cookie cutter cut-out! You are unique, you are beautiful, and you are you! You are perfect just the way you are!
I’ve had a very difficult weekend with our daughter. She had a temper tantrum because I wouldn’t give her any money. She did her usual behaviours, which she hasn’t for a while. Things were getting better – so I thought. My nerves were very raw all day. I cried my eyes out that afternoon, and went for a quick walk. I didn’t feel a lot better but I felt slightly better later. I waited until I got tired enough that I could try going to sleep. The next day was my DBT skills group. I couldn’t wait to get out of here. I went for a walk with my husband and son earlier that evening. I’m so out of shape! I wish I wasn’t.
We’ve been having problems with her and money. She keeps asking for money. We give her some, then she asks for more. We have to figure out an allowance for her. We can’t really afford it. We’ve tried in the past to be fair, and it hasn’t worked. She always wants more, and used to throw a temper tantrum if we didn’t give it to her.
We’ve also had problems with her curfew. She called us at 11:00 pm last night to say that she was staying at her friend’s for the night. We’ve told her to call before then so that we don’t worry. Then we heard banging on the door at 1:00 this morning. It was her with a different friend. They went to her room, giggling and talking loudly for a few minutes, then her friend left and our daughter stayed in her room. Then I had to get our son up for school, who was grouchy as usual. He just made it to the bus, as usual.
Life is so exhausting!
Last Tuesday, I met with my counsellor and my mother-in-law to try to help her understand my BPD. We had a very good talk and I think she’s finally beginning to understand it a bit more. I tried to explain to her how she was unintentionally invalidating me constantly. She told me that she wasn’t saying anything bad to me. I explained to her that it doesn’t matter what she says or how she says it, that to someone with BPD, especially with me, it always feels like criticising and that I’m not good enough. She asked what she could do to make it better and I told her “nothing. Just do your own thing. You can’t make this go away. I’m the only one who can help me.” She got a look on her face like she finally “got it.” Also kind of sad for me.
My counsellor thought that I was very articulate, and told my mother-in-law that I’m doing everything I need to be doing to keep myself as well as I can be. I’m seeing both of them again this Tuesday. It’s good practice for me for running a group or presentation on BPD to educate people on the disorder. I’m learning more about myself every day.
I was so exhausted afterwards that I had to lay down for an hour. People don’t realize how exhausting it is for those of us with BPD just managing our emotions every day. It just comes to them naturally.
I’ll keep you posted on how it goes Tuesday. Till then,
Posted in Editorials
Tagged "I'm not good enough", anxiety, brain, DBT, distract, Empathy, exhaustion, fatigue, guilt, invalidation, mental health, misconceptions, misunderstood, mother-in-law, negative thoughts, overwhelmed, paranoia, sensitivity, stigma, symptoms, Validation
Try saying this to someone the next time they tell you you’re being “too sensitive”
English: Pearl Buck, Pulitzer Prize-winning American author (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
An excellent blog at Psychology Today.
A beautiful quote from Pearl Buck:
The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create—so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.
Read more here:
How can being Highly Sensitive be a gift? Find out in this article how it can be both a blessing and a curse:
HSP or ESP Myth or fact? or a bit of both?
oh, I so knew you were going to say that. *rolls my eyes*
likes it because it is purple.. lol
ESP… Extra Sensory Perception
HSP Highly Sensitive Person
HSP’s have more awareness or a heightened sensitivity to their environments. They receive and process more information than average people on what surrounds them. They are just more in tune with things, more aware. Even to the point that they become overloaded with it. HSP’s are not rare, they make up 15% to 20% of the population. Are you one? An HSP will process sensory data with more depth, with a thoroughness, there is a difference in their nervous system that gives them this ability, or curse. (more on this soon)
ESP, People that receive information that doesn’t fit in the normal 5 senses. They feel others emotions, feel energy or auras that may surround people, they may feel…
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They say that you can’t have Borderline Personality Disorder until you’re 18. Well, you know long before that that something is wrong with you – that you’re not like other kids, you’re different. You’re more sensitive than other kids. You have trouble managing your emotions. You have trouble “reading” people. You might always think that everyone is angry at you. It’s not something that you “grow out of”.
I always knew that something was wrong with me. Until I was diagnosed, I just thought, “I’m just stupid. I don’t know how to do anything right. I’m screwed up.” What a rotten way to grow up! No wonder people with BPD are so messed up! Wouldn’t you have low self-esteem thinking these thoughts constantly through your entire childhood, adolescence and even adulthood, depending on when you get diagnosed (if ever). Some people can go through decades of this. To put it simply, IT SUCKS!
So, what can we do about it? Educate people about BPD. Get rid of the STIGMA. Start helping teens before you have to try to undo years of pain and unhelpful thinking. It’s much easier to do it when they’re young that having to try to undo possibly decades of distorted thoughts. Wouldn’t you agree?
What are your thoughts and experiences on this? Please comment below. Thank you.
Created by Joyce Savage.
Here is an excellent article on high sensitivity – a Borderline trait: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/feeling-too-much/201202/sensitivity-spectrum-part-1
Are you an orchid or a dandelion? Let us know in the Comments below.