The Toxicity of Unsolicited Advice

Proudly Sensitive

toxic advice photo

I’ve found myself in relationships throughout my life that are openly hostile to my emotional needs.  Where it becomes the imperative truth that if I talk about myself, my feelings or problems, it is seen as an invitation for attack, not an invitation to connection or intimacy.  Where I definitely don’t get back what I give to the other person.

Last year I tried to set a reasonable boundary with a friend.  I told them that I had heard their opinion on what the treatment should be for my health issues, I had laid out the reasons why that doesn’t work/isn’t for me, and I didn’t want to hear about it from them again.  Their repetitive, unsolicited medical advice often beginning with the phrase “you have to…” was beginning to really bother me.

They weren’t just sharing what worked for them, as they had never been in my position in…

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Spin the wheel of coping skills! 

Art of Social Work

A big part of what we do with children is teach them safe and appropriate ways to cope and express themselves. We aren’t born knowing how to walk and we also aren’t born knowing how to deal with our emotions, solve problems, or handle disappointments. We learn to walk by someone holding our hands and guiding the process. We learn to calm ourselves as our parents hold, rock, soothe, and eventually teach us ways to calm ourselves on our own.
I encourage the children I work with to identify multiple coping and expression skills that work for them personally in various situations. The more they have in their toolbox that personally work for them the better.
This is one fun way to help children remember the skills that they have identified and realize that they have a choice of which skill to use in each situation. For example, walking outside…

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Happy BPD Awareness Month!

BPD Awareness Month Pic

Are you doing anything to promote awareness of BPD during Borderline Personality Awareness Month?  Do you have a blog you’d like to share?  Please let us know about it in the comments below:

Borderline Personality Disorder Month: Practicing Compassion | Active Minds Blog

Source: Borderline Personality Disorder Month: Practicing Compassion | Active Minds Blog

How to Support Someone through Tough Emotions (Including Yourself). | elephant journal

You may learn from this article, but you won’t truly understand what this is all about until you’re

Source: How to Support Someone through Tough Emotions (Including Yourself). | elephant journal

BPD Orchid : ‘Empathy is the antidote to shame’

Source: BPD Orchid : ‘Empathy is the antidote to shame’

In the Head of Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder | The Mighty

A woman describes what it’s like to live with borderline personality disorder by taking you into her head.

Source: In the Head of Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder | The Mighty

A Presentation and A Health Scare

Yesterday, I did a presentation on Borderline Personality Disorder at one of the out-of-town centres.  Only a couple of people from the out-of-town centre took part.  Other than them, there was me, my Peer Support worker and a friend who goes to my in-town BPD group.  I was a little disappointed at the small turnout.  They said that their Team Lead was off so they didn’t know about us coming to do a presentation that day.  They marked on the calendar for next month that we’re doing a BPD Group there on the 25th of May.  Hopefully, if it’s on their calendar, more people will show up next time.

In other news, my son started having chest pains last night while watching TV.  We called the ambulance and I went to the hospital with him.  His dad and grandmother met us there.  We got there around 7:30 and saw the doctor around 10:00.  They want him to wear a halter monitor for 24 hours next week so they can check his heart.  They think that there’s nothing to worry about.  He’s gotten the odd chest pains over the years but not too bad and they usually go away within a couple of minutes.  This lasted for about ten minutes.  His lips were pale, he was sweaty.  I’m glad they think there’s nothing to worry about.  I’ll be even more glad when we get the results from the halter monitor though.

I saw my daughter for a few minutes today.  She was in town and stopped in to say “hi”.  The baby is 5 lbs. now.  He should be coming home soon.  They got a stroller and a few other things for him today.

That’s all for now.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

#letstalkabout: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder – Ms Mistry Blogs

Hello folks and welcome to the seventh instalment of my #letstalkabout series. In case you missed the last one, let me give you a quick overview. I love reading blog posts about real-life events, opinions that differ to mine or people sharing their little secrets. Once every month, I will have different stories, opinions, comments, real-life experiences and secrets (hopefully!) showcased on my blog. These will either be… View Post

Source: #letstalkabout: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder – Ms Mistry Blogs

Distress Tolerance Pt 1–Distraction


Yesterday someone with BPD asked me what distress tolerance is, so I decided to write a post about it. I assumed everyone with borderline personality disorder knew what distress tolerance knew what distress tolerance is. That was kind of a ridiculous assumption on my part, since a lot of people don’t have access to therapy and other resources that would provide them with info on distress tolerance.

There is sooo much to say about distress tolerance, so I’m breaking it up a little into multiple posts. This post will be about distraction techniques.

First a little bit about distress tolerance skills. They are basically anything that helps a person get through physical or emotional pain. However, in DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) it gets a little more specific. People with borderline personality disorder often experience overwhelming emotions. A lot of the time when people are dealing with overwhelming emotions they use…

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Distraction Techniques


In my last post I talked about distraction, the first part of distress tolerance skills. I’m sure most of you have no problem coming up with distraction techniques, but just in caaaase I’m going to post a list of ideas.

  • Watch cat videos on youtube. Or dog videos. Any animal videos are great.
  • Color, paint, or draw. I got a pack of decent watercolors for $5 at Walmart. Crayons and colored pencils are even less.
  • Play a video/computer/tablet/phone game. I have a Wii, but even if you don’t have a video game console there are so many free games for devices. My favorite is The Simpsons Tapped Out. It has a story line, but there are plenty of basic games like solitaire and Tetris and Candy Crush.
  • Read a book or magazine or something online.
  • Watch a show or movie that you find comforting, inspiring, or hilarious.
  • Do something that requires…

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Matt Streuli: BPD to EUPD with face paint and a Go-Pro

Source: Matt Streuli: BPD to EUPD with face paint and a Go-Pro

26 Questions To Help You Know Yourself Better | Happily Imperfect

Source: 26 Questions To Help You Know Yourself Better | Happily Imperfect

The Myths and Realities of Dating with Borderline Personality Disorder

Managing Distress With the DBT Skill “ACCEPTS”

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

In DBT skills class this week we went through the Distress Tolerancedistraction-based skill of ACCEPTS.

Using the distraction skills helps tolerate distress by creating a gap between whatever set it off initially and what you are subsequently choosing to focus your attention on. Although Distress Tolerance is about “not making a situation worse” as opposed to making it better, the skills in ACCEPTS can help to influence other less distressing emotions as a secondary benefit.

Because it is fundamentally a Distress Tolerance technique it is important not to become over-reliant on distraction skills. Of course, if you were to distract from all your problems it would be likely to be ineffective as it would become total avoidance. Therefore, these skills are specifically helpful to implement only during times when:

  1. You are becoming overwhelmed by your emotions to the point it is not effective to go with them.
  2. You are…

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Pictures for my Parents, A Project and Postings

The Thursday before last, when my Community Peer Support worker took my daughter and I to see my grandson, we got some pictures of me holding the baby.  This past weekend, I visited my parents and sister and shared the pictures with them.  They loved them (of course!)

I showed my sister the plastic canvas project I’m working on for my Craft Group.  It’s a magazine holder I’m gonna give to my daughter for her baby books.  I tried to show my sister how to do it the way I was taught.  She picked it up pretty well.

I got behind in checking my emails this weekend.  I’m just getting caught up now.  I didn’t post a lot on here while I was getting used to the laptop, but now I’m posting more.

I hope everyone is having a good day/night wherever you are.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

Coping With Extreme Emotions | The Emotionally Sensitive Person

Source: Coping With Extreme Emotions | The Emotionally Sensitive Person

4 Tips for Really Hearing Someone Even When It’s Hard | World of Psychology

Source: 4 Tips for Really Hearing Someone Even When It’s Hard | World of Psychology

Borderline Personality Disorder | Broken Light: A Photography Collective

Posts about Borderline Personality Disorder written by Broken Light: A Photography Collective

Source: Borderline Personality Disorder | Broken Light: A Photography Collective

Borderline Personality Disorder Workshop in Ipswich, QLD – May 23, 2016 9:00 AM | Eventful

Borderline Personality Disorder Workshop at The Barry Jones Auditorium on Monday May 23, 2016 at 9:00AM

Source: Borderline Personality Disorder Workshop in Ipswich, QLD – May 23, 2016 9:00 AM | Eventful

How to Listen to Your Emotions | World of Psychology

Source: How to Listen to Your Emotions | World of Psychology

A 2 am Update

It’s amazing all the things you think about at 2:00 in the morning when you wake up and can’t go back to sleep!  I saw my counsellor yesterday and updated her on everything that’s been going on with me and my family.  I told her that she could close my file so we’re meeting again in two weeks to go out for a coffee and celebrate.  I’m so nervous!  I’ve been in therapy for about twenty years now.  It feels kinda like being on a high wire without a net, even though I still have support but it won’t be the same.  I have my Peer Support worker, plus everyone at the Peer Support Centre, plus my friends and family.  But it feels like the end of an era.  (Cue dramatic music).

My daughter and her boyfriend are moving today (tomorrow?  It’s 2 am.)  My dad is gonna rent a trailer and help them move.  He can’t really lift anything but he’ll be the driver.  He had a trailer.  I guess he just got rid of it.  That’s my dad, always working on trailers and lawn tractors, fixing them up then selling them.  He loves to keep busy!  I hope the move goes smoothly for them.

I’m not sure what I’m up to tomorrow (today?)  I don’t know if they’ll need my help or if I’ll just go to the Peer Support Centre.  I’ll do what I usually do – wing it.

My son’s missed the last couple weeks of school due to a bad cold.  He’s gone all this week so far.  He has to get an immunization on Monday or else be suspended from school for a month.  He has to get this needle before they’ll let him into high school.  He needs a check-up too.  He hasn’t had one for quite a while.  My husband will probably take him to the doctor.  He needs to talk to the doctor too.  He hasn’t been to the doctor in a long time either.

The grandson’s weight is up to 4 lbs., 7 oz.  I can’t wait until he gets to come home.  I can’t wait to cuddle with him every chance I get.  My Peer Support worker took my daughter and I to see him last Thursday and I got to hold him for the first time!  My husband and son haven’t got to see him yet, except in pictures.

That’s all for now.  It’s now 2:50 in the morning and I should try to get back to sleep.  If I can’t, I’ll probably be on my Facebook Page.  Till next time,

— Joyce.

Join Dr. Aguirre at The Borderline Walk!

May 29, 2016.

Psychology Blog – Dr. Syras Derksen

Borderline Personality Disorder and its Treatment

Source: Psychology Blog – Dr. Syras Derksen

A Very Helpful Resource!

If you go to, you can sign up for a free guide “A Little Handbook for Life’s Tough Times”  It’s packed full of links to all kinds of helpful resources.  Check it out!