I’m doing my out-of-town BPD group tomorrow. I’m planning on doing a video presentation on Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m so nervous! I did one in town here last year but no one really seemed that enthused by it. I’m hoping that it goes over better in this out-of-town group. I think it will.
They have a Smart TV in all of the Centres in the area. But they don’t exactly know how to use all of the functions on the one at this Centre. I hope we can figure it out. If not, I can always show the presentation on one of their computers. It would be so much better on the Smart TV though, where everyone could see it much better than crowding around a computer monitor.
Wish me luck!
Thanks in advance,
The other night I dreamed about my brother. I don’t remember the actual dream. All I know is that the dream was about my brother and that I woke up feeling very stressed out and upset. I’m sure it’s because he’s been on my mind so much for the last month or so. He was very charming but could be verbally abusive at times, and physically when we were younger. But he was a really nice guy at times.
Our daughter came over early this morning. Her and her boyfriend had been walking around town all night and wanted to crash at our place for a couple of hours. My husband said, “No way!” They’ve stolen from us and treated us like dirt a lot of the time. So they went over to the neighbour’s, where my mother-in-law has been staying, and she let them in. They’ve gotten her cheque and are now staying at a motel, for how long I don’t know.
I’m probably heading out for a bike ride with my son shortly. Till next time,
All I’ve done is lay around all day. Once in a while, you may need to do that for self-care. But when it turns into doing it all weekend long every weekend, it’s a problem. I just can’t drag myself out of bed. My son wanted me to go for a bike ride with him, but I just couldn’t. I disappointed him. I hate disappointing him. My husband wanted me to pop over to the store and grab him a treat. I couldn’t do that either.
I hate feeling like this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I never used to be like this. I used to go for walks and bike rides all the time. Now I can barely get out of bed on the weekends. During the week, I go to my groups. But when it comes to the weekends, I just feel so tired and lazy.
Just had to let this out. Thanks to anyone who read this. Till next time,
My appointments yesterday went fine. I had two teeth pulled – the top right ones in the front. I met with my counsellor for a quick catch-up. She made me feel a little less guilty about not crying over my brother’s death. She said that she thought that my tribute to my brother was very good.
My daughter came by tonight. Her and her boyfriend were kicked out of his mother’s place. Over some argument. I’m not sure what it was about. She wanted money for a coffee. I told her that we didn’t have any. So she called Grandma and went over to bug her for some money probably. She needs to leave Grandma alone. She doesn’t need all this stress. I don’t know where they’re staying tonight. She said before that they were going to go camping. I guess they’ve changed their minds.
The credit card company is hassling me again. Actually it’s a credit recovery company. I’m so tired of it. I don’t need this. I’m trying to pay what I can when I can. I’ve mostly only used it for groceries, nothing frivolous. I won’t bore you with the same old story.
I didn’t sleep a wink last night. I didn’t take my meds yesterday. I took them first thing this morning. I had to pick them up yesterday. I was totally out of them. I’m so tired! I hope I sleep tonight! I’m gonna try going to bed soon.
I talked to my sister on the phone for a little bit tonight. They’re doing all right over there.
Thanks again for listening. Till next time,
OPENING up to his manager about his struggles with mental health, Chris McCullough Young was shocked when she told him “you’re too nice to have BDP.”
Source: Brave Chris walks tall in bid to tackle stigma of mental health | News | The Gazette
It’s been one month today since my brother passed away. I still haven’t cried for him. I feel a little guilty for not crying. I feel kind of like a bad sister. I’m hoping that, through my tribute, I can be a better sister and make up for not being there for him when he needed me.
I’ve been talking to my parents and sister on the phone almost every day. They’re not doing too badly considering. I talked to my sister tonight. She seemed in good spirits.
I see my counsellor and the dentist tomorrow. I’m kind of nervous about seeing the dentist. I have to have some teeth pulled. They’re all rotten and broken off. I wish I’d taken better care of them when I was growing up. I never really brushed them. I tried to as an adult but I think it’s too late. I think that some people just have bad teeth.
My daughter came by tonight. She grabbed a bite to eat then wanted me to go to the store with her. She said she needed some personal items. I bought them for her, plus a few treats. I think the personal items were just an excuse for me to buy the treats for her. I should have known better. Hopefully, I’ll know better next time. She’s so smooth!
Thanks to anyone who actually read this. I hope you aren’t all snoring right now. Lol! I’ll let you know how my appointments go tomorrow. Till next time,
My wi-fi has been out for nearly a week. I couldn’t keep up with my blogging and e-mail. I was getting so frustrated! We just got a new cable for it and it’s working now. I hope it keeps working!
On Saturday, I attended my brother’s graveside service. There were quite a few people there. A couple of his girl friends were crying. I didn’t cry. I felt a little guilty. I still can’t believe it though. It feels like he could walk through the door at Mom and Dad’s any time. I’m still numb and in shock.
Everyone said they could hardly hear the minister. My sister said she wished he hadn’t gone on so much about how my brother died. He didn’t actually say the word but everyone knew what he meant. I think it needs to be talked about more to break stigma, so that maybe less people will feel like their only option is to take their lives. You never read about the actual cause of death in the paper. I think it would help bust stigma.
After the service, my daughter and I went over to my parents’ house for the day. She hadn’t been over in a long time, probably a year or two. My son and husband didn’t attend the service or visit. My son hasn’t gone over for a year-and-a-half or so. My husband never goes over. My uncle and a few of my aunts came over for lunch then left. We got a few pictures of all of us together. It’s good to take lots of pictures because you never know when someone will be gone and you may not have that many of them and can’t take any more.
I guess I’m all caught up now. Thanks again for listening to my rambles. Till next time,
I visited my parents and sister on Saturday. We exchanged some more pictures of my brother. He’d gone to a car show with a friend the day he passed away. He’d taken tons of pictures. One was of him with some famous car guy. It was the last picture of him ever taken. We downloaded the pictures onto my mom and dad’s computer. We didn’t want them to get deleted by accident. We copied them onto a flash drive so I could save them on my computer too. My sister is going to back up their pictures onto a flash drive or CD so they don’t lose them as well. Between my sister and I, we figured out how to download the pictures off my brother’s phone. It’s a smartphone. I’ve never used one before. I found the manual for it online and copied it onto a flash drive, then copied it onto their computer for them so my sister can refer to it if she needs to.
My brother’s graveside service is this Saturday. Everyone is getting very anxious about it. I have no idea how it’s going to affect me. Will I stop being so numb and in shock? Will I finally cry for my brother?
My counsellor is off this week. I’ll see her next week. I’ll probably have a lot to talk to her about then.
Thanks again for being here for me. Till next time,