March 2, 2015 
DBT: DEAR MAN, GIVE, FAST (Part 3)
Part 1: DEAR MAN
Part 2: GIVE
The third set of DBT skills, I pulled on to have my conversation with B is called FAST. This is a skill to use to keep your self-respect. FAST can be used in combination with DEAR MAN and GIVE.
Here is how I filled out the FAST worksheet.
Describe how your request is Fair to yourself and to the other person:
It is fair because he is held accountable and my need is expressed.
Identify any potential sources of unjustified guilt/shame to avoid Apologies:
I don’t want to be seen as unsupportive or selfish.
Describe how you are following your Wise Mind so you can Stick to values:
I will try and be empathetic to his situation.
(Note: One of my identified interpersonal values in a previous assignment was that people deserve to be treated with empathy.)
Identify any uncomfortable facts…
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What’s He Thinking?
We finally got our money from the government that we have been trying to get for months now. Thank God! It’s come in really handy. We’re still broke but at least not quite as broke as we were.
Our daughter stayed here for the last week straight. Her boyfriend told her that she could stay here and he could stay at the apartment that they were supposed to be sharing with another couple. The other night she never came home or called. Then she came knocking at the door at 5:30 in the morning the next day! Then last night, she went back to the apartment with her boyfriend. She said that they had broken up. That he told her that if she didn’t go to school, he would break up with her. Then he got jealous because he thought that she was cheating on him with someone at school (which she wasn’t). I don’t know what to think. But I hate seeing her upset because of him. My husband doesn’t even want him in our house anymore. He thinks that he just wants our daughter to pay her share of the rent, then he can kick her out to come live with us again. Who knows what he’s thinking? I don’t like the thought of him coming in either if he’s just going to get our daughter all upset – breaking up with her, then getting back together, then breaking up again. I asked her before if they were together and she said that basically he was acting like they still were and that she was just going along with it. I told her that I’d demand to know where we stood. I think she’d rather not ask and give him a chance to say that they’re not still together. What a situation!
– Joyce.
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BPD, what does this do to a child?
Nobody ever questioned me what this tall attractive man did. He said, ” Ana, what are your dreams and goals? I didn’t know what to respond. All my life I have been running way from things that I didn’t know how to handle or too afraid to not achieve. My emotions all over the map and no compass of direction.
My heart stirred of emotions and that question made me think deeply into my soul. My dreams have always been to make a difference in the world. To touch every single life with my smile and with my heart. I truly love to encourage and give out HOPE. But I also dreamed of an office of my own with huge window looking towards the shore and mountains.
In the past what got in the way of these dreams was my struggles with having borderline personality disorder and bipolar…
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“What the hell is wrong with me?”
…my alarm goes off. I pick up my phone and tap “snooze” for the who-knows-how-mantieth time. I lay back, hands over my face, and wrack my brain for some “acceptable” reason to just spend the day in bed. “Can my work wait?”. Alarm goes off again and I face the reality. Yes, today has to start.
One thing you need to know about me is this. I dream. I dream vividly. UNBELIEVABLY VIVIDLY!! Good dreams, they are amazing. It’s like I’m actually there. Camping in a mountain meadow. Surfing in Hawaii (this is obviously just a dream) or Mardi Gras. New Orleans for Mardi Gras is top of my bucket list… and I feel like I’ve been there, many times, though only in my dreams.
But on the flip-side my bad dreams are equally vivid. It too, is like I’m actually there. Frantically fighting my way through never-ending crowds of…
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